What I’m Reading: Undefiled Access

(Full disclosure: I love to recommend resources to help you in your journey, and when I do I use Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission. But if there’s a resource you want, I encourage you to get it wherever works best for you!)

Sometimes, when I pick up a book, I intend it to be just a prayer room book. This one, Undefiled Access by Elizabeth Flora-Swick, spilled out of the prayer room and I found myself reading it in the break room, in the lobby, in my kitchen, and on my back porch.

Elizabeth is the quadruplet sister of one of my best friends from IHOPU, Rachel (Schulze, who now serves as base director of OneEleven Global with her husband Blake). I was excited to read this not only because Elizabeth is my friend’s sister, but after meeting her a couple of times and hearing about her for years, I knew “Lizzie” to be brilliant, highly educated, and passionate.

Elizabeth is a fervent lover of the Holy Spirit and all His gifts, including healing. Also, she was born with cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair, giving her a unique perspective of two worlds that often don’t quite know what to do with each other. The charismatic world often sees people with disabilities as merely “pending miracles,” as she says (pages 5, 152, 158), and this attitude understandably doesn’t engender much trust or warm fuzzies from the disability community. This book was written to “heal the worldview divide” between these two groups.

Personally, what struck me most was Elizabeth’s candor about her sweet, vibrant, intimate relationship with Jesus. She could write an entire book about only that and I would read it eagerly. He has been her nearest friend (I love how she writes about the nicknames and inside jokes they share- read chapter 3 for how many disciples God says it takes to change a lightbulb!), and she is determined to take full advantage of her blood-bought “undefiled access” into His heart as He tenderly cares for her and she returns that love as much as He enables her. Really, Jesus is the star of this book, and His beautiful goodness shines in every chapter.

As you might expect, Elizabeth is quite aware of the tension between her full faith in Jesus’ ability to heal and her current lack of physical healing. She’s very vulnerable about that tension and all of the times she’s asked for healing, but it seems that she settled something in her heart long ago. She chooses to love and trust no matter what, and to put her faith in the unshakable truth of His character rather than hanging it all on whether or not she is healed. Some of the sweetest meditations are in chapter 2, “Lovesick for the Bleeding Healer”, in which Elizabeth ponders the physical pain Jesus endured in the crucifixion, and finds herself drawn to love Him lavishly in response.

“I know exactly where I was when I understood crucifixion meant death by slow asphyxiation our to not being able to exhale. At that moment, I realized Jesus knew what it felt like to not be able to breathe, and we shared this experience… Jesus is more intimately acquainted with muscle spasms, nerve pain, and restricted joints from six-plus hours of his life than I have ever been in all of mine.”
(Undefiled Access, pages 43-44)

“My endgame is to make the cross sweet for Jesus, to be as good to him as he enables me to be… [this] means choosing intimacy, obedience, and surrender to the fullest extent possible… It means remaining loyal at cost. Believing God heals supernaturally and choosing to trust his character in that are matters of great, personal loyalty to me.”
(Undefiled Access, page 51)

With this joyful, intimate lifetime of experience with God’s goodness as her backdrop, Elizabeth moves forward into addressing the history of division and hurt between the charismatic church and the disability community. With remarkable grace and humility, she illuminates the stigma that disabled people have experienced, often being made to feel that they are worth less, their lives are pitiable or not worth living, or they are dehumanized and reduced to a condition. This has understandably caused mistrust against Christians who see a disability and immediately think only “Gotta get that person healed” rather than “What would best show God’s love in this moment?”

Elizabeth comments on a book by Amy Kenny called My Body Is Not a Prayer Request:

“[Kenny] says, ‘I wish prayerful perpetrators were free from the lie that I am worth less because my body works differently.’ Ah, there’s the wound. What should I do? I’m the hateful prayerful perpetrator. The one who supposedly spits upon Kenny’s value by denying disability is anyone’s identity. I’m the backward charismatic who needs to repent of my internalized ableism… If I come close, should I rip her wounds open with my theology? I have the knowledge to discredit the disability identity worldview from the Scripture, but of what use is my knowledge if I cannot reach my sister’s heart.”
(Undefiled Access, page 99)

Of course, Paul said the same thing in 1 Corinthians 13:

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”
(1 Corinthians 13:1-2)

Elizabeth herself has been on the receiving end of many well-meaning, insensitive prayer times at the hands of her fellow charismatic Christians. She shares a number of those stories, and the sting of them bleeds through the page. Even as she has learned to have grace for the misunderstandings she faces, she longs for a time when the church could learn to let love rule their interactions, rather than their eagerness for a miracle. She writes with tender, humble boldness as she spends several chapters challenging the charismatic church on a number of our harmful tendencies:

  • using disabled people as simply “inspiration” or a reminder of humility for abled people
  • reducing disabled people to a wheelchair that needs to get healed, like the conference that used the image of a stick person standing up from a wheelchair in its marketing
  • assuming that disabled people come to a service only for healing, rather than to encounter God’s presence like everyone else
  • violating boundaries by praying without asking, shouting, telling a person in a wheelchair to stand, etc.
  • hyping up healing in a conference atmosphere and turning people with disabilities into guinea pigs
  • telling people they must not want their healing enough, or don’t have enough faith, or are in agreement with a spirit of infirmity

Really, the solution to all of these come down to a few simple core principles: Love. Consideration. Humility. Seeing the image of God. Elizabeth reminds us, “Certainly, signs and wonders follow the sharing of the gospel. But we are not to be distinctive by our power, but by our love.” (page 165)

In her final few chapters, Elizabeth offers suggestions on how a church’s space and culture can best honor and provide accessibility for people with a variety of disabilities. She holds up the example of Jesus’ healings in the gospels and calls us to emulate His tender, personal love and care as He interacts with each person.

I am so grateful for this book and for Elizabeth’s courage and vulnerability in sharing her story and wisdom. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been provoked and encouraged by Elizabeth’s reminder of the full access we have to His heart by the Holy Spirit, and the intimate communion He longs to have with us. I’ve also been challenged to carry God’s heart in the forefront of my own whenever I have the opportunity to pray for healing– and to remember that praying for healing doesn’t always need to be the immediate priority.

The tagline on the back cover says, “Supernatural ministry is supposed to be as good as God’s beautiful heart.” I am praying that God will use this book to lead many into a deeper love for Him and for those He loves, as we partner with the Holy Spirit to see foretastes of His kingdom manifest on the earth.

You can get Undefiled Access on Amazon, and you can follow Elizabeth’s journey at elizabethfloraswick.com.

What I’m Reading: Beyond the Open Door

(Full disclosure: I love to recommend resources to help you in your journey, and when I do I use Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission. But if there’s a resource you want, I encourage you to get it wherever works best for you!)

I was so excited to read this! (I love when leaders in the prayer movement outside of Kansas City write books.) Gary DePasquale is the director of IHOP Eastern Gate, where they are currently running 15 hours 5 days a week of live prayer and worship, plus 8 hours on the weekend, totaling 83 hours a week! They’ve prayed for 40,000+ hours since their birth in 2010, and they are building toward 24/7. On top of that, they carry a strong vision to prepare the church for the end times.

Beyond the Open Door is Gary’s second book, after Reaching in Weakness in 2021. The first thing that struck me when I received my copy from Amazon was the abundant endorsements from people I know and trust. Joel Richardson wrote the foreword (and what a foreword!), and the first few pages are stuffed with recommendations from David Sliker, Will and Dehavilland Ford, Daniel Lim, Daniel Juster, Bob Sorge, and Grant Berry.

These endorsements are well-deserved, because even though the book was self-published and in my opinion could have used a few more passes with a fine-toothed editorial comb, the theological content is rich, biblical, and crucial for the church of this hour.

I admit, by the title I wasn’t quite sure what I was getting into. The subtitle is “The Un-Shuttable Doors at the End of the Age,” and by the front and back covers I surmised that it was about endurance and overcoming, but I wasn’t quite sure where the door came in.

Apparently, I’m in good company, because in the introduction Gary tells how he heard in a dream the phrase, “Behold, I have set before you an open door.” He didn’t recognize it at first, but a bit of searching led him to Revelation 3:7-8, which is a direct reference to Isaiah 22:22.

“And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write: ‘The words of the holy one, the true one, who has the key of David, who opens and no one will shut, who shuts and no one opensI know your works. Behold, I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut.'”
(Revelation 3:7-8)

“And I will place on his shoulder the key of the house of David. He shall open, and none shall shut; and he shall shut, and none shall open.”
(Isaiah 22:22)

I had never understood this description in Revelation, and I had never given any thought at all to Isaiah 22. As Gary shares,

“Isaiah 22:22 mirrors Revelation 3:8, and they have the same context: the time of trouble. The theme of the message throughout this documentary is the final generation of the church facing the Great Tribulation at the hands of Satan and his Antichrist; but, the Lord Jesus Himself will hold open doors of ministry and anointing for he church that no one can shut–especially not the devil or his emissaries.”
(Beyond the Open Door, page 17, emphasis added)

Although this door metaphor was new to me, the idea of increased anointing on the church at the end of the age is one I’m well familiar with! (See my Intro to the End Times posts Where is the Story Going? and Will We See Revival?) This is something we say often: as the darkness gets darker, light also gets lighter. The end time church will be victorious and full of the Holy Spirit even through great persecution.

Gary highlights three key “open doors” he sees promised in Scripture for the end times:

  1. The open door of night and day prayer
  2. The open door of easy evangelism
  3. The open door of prophetic revelation

As Gary shows, these three – prayer, evangelism, and prophetic revelation – were central to the activity of the Holy Spirit in the early church. In that context, the church was empowered to not only persevere through trials but to be bold, faithful witnesses to the Word of God. In the last days, God is going to purify the church so that we can stand firm, with power, through the trouble coming!

Speaking of which, I really enjoyed Gary blasting into comfortable escapist Christianity that isn’t prepared for endurance and doesn’t really want to be. Our director at The Prayer Room, Brad Stroup, is good friends with Gary and often says fondly, “He’s sooo Jersey!” and he’s not wrong! True to his New Jersey roots, Gary’s message is bold, direct, and not the slightest bit watered down!

“The American church is too preoccupied with striving to answer the personal and political problems of the present… The church is to be an eschatological people… Patience is… the training ground for trials–specifically eschatological trials. This is one of the reasons the American church is anemic and susceptible to the same failures the world falls prey to. We are living for the wrong age!”
(Beyond the Open Door, page 50-51, emphasis added)

I believe the message of this book is crucial for us to understand. We have a lot of books on the timeline of events in the end times (and we need more!) and a lot of books on the power of the Spirit (and we need more!) but it’s so important that the church of this hour be prepared to endure and overcome in power through the coming trouble. We need to get a vision for faithful endurance through much hardship AND dramatic outpouring of the Spirit. I’m so grateful that Gary carries this message with such clarity!

If you’re interested in picking up at copy of Beyond the Open Door, you can find it on Amazon.

What I’m Reading: The Boy in Two Places

(Full disclosure: I love to recommend resources to help you in your journey, and when I do I use Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission. But if there’s a resource you want, I encourage you to get it wherever works best for you!)

As you may have read already if you’re subscribed to my email list, my friend and co-leader Luke Fredenberg wrote a kids’ book about the end times! I got to hear Luke’s excited/stressed updates as the entire process unfolded, and it’s so incredible to see this project complete.

The Boy in Two Places is written for families to imagine together what it will look like for the church (especially our youngest brothers and sisters) to live through the days of turmoil right before Jesus comes back. I was touched by Luke’s portrayal of how deeply rich and glorious life in the end times will be, even as deep and real sorrow touch us, too. It makes me rethink my priorities even now, and set my heart all over again to live for eternity!

Luke was gracious enough to make time for an interview with me to share with you! (This interview is slightly edited for conciseness and clarity. As a special bonus, my email subscribers received the audio of this interview, so if you missed it, sign up and reply to the first email with a request for the audio!)

So, Luke, how would you describe what The Boy in Two Places is about?

It’s about a boy who’s living in the end times, and he’s looking back on his life before and comparing and contrasting— “My life as a kid in the end times looks like this, and my life in the past looked very different.” He’s kind of weighing that, both the good things and the difficult things. It’s not a timeline of actual end time events; it’s more to paint a picture of what life specifically for a kid will look like in the end times. There are lots of emotion words and lots of very normal things that kids do as kids; it just looks different in their life currently versus life in the days before Jesus comes back.

What was the original idea? How did you come up with the inspiration for this book?

I love writing, and I always wanted to write. I appreciate kids’ books that are totally just fun and engaging (my son Cohen has some) but I also wanted— there’s got to be a way to keep it fun and light-hearted but also communicate Bible truths. For years I was trying to write different Bible themes. I toyed with the Sermon on the Mount; I toyed with lots of stuff. I would get an idea and start writing, but after a few hours all my ideas would run out!

But this one came about right before COVID and… there’s so little material out there on the end times, specifically related to raising your children in it. I wanted to write a resource to get families into the end times story and talking about it with their kids.

I didn’t know the best approach to do that. I originally started with the timeline idea, trying to walk through what’s going to happen, and I was like, “No, I think it would be better and more helpful if I just did something in a way that kids could relate to, and just paint a picture of what life looks like in the end times.” The injection of the end time message has been the most transformational thing in my life since being saved, so I thought, “How can I do that for kids and families who are maybe not plugged into the end time narrative right now?”

So you saw a need and wanted to fill it! What was the writing process like?

It was very different than I thought. After I got the vision to focus on painting a picture of life in the end times rather than the timeline, I started thinking, “What are things that kids do or that kids can relate to?” So that’s when I started thinking about some of the words that you’ll see, like “dreams”; every kid’s got dreams. The emotion of joy, the emotion of sadness, running around, being goofy… what do kids do? And then to transfer that, what does that look like in the end times?

Once I was ready to have someone one else look at it (which was a bit terrifying!), I sent it to an editor. She had a lot to say [laughs], a lot of feedback on the flow and on words that were not child-appropriate or could be said more simply or more concretely. I had a rhyme pattern from the beginning, but I didn’t have the cadence. When you read a children’s book, it sounds like you’re swaying and dancing to it. My book rhymed, but it didn’t have that cadence. She helped me with that, and I never would have even thought of that!

From when I sent it to the editor until the finished product, the book has changed so much. We probably went back and forth maybe five or six times, where I would send her the initial thing, she’d make edits, send it back to me, I would tweak it, send it back to her— I wasn’t expecting that much involvement and that much transformation of the book. That was really fun because the editor added a different perspective; she’s a mom and has kids and just knows that world probably better than I do, and so it was really just a fun development.

As a missionary on staff at The Prayer Room, you spend a lot of hours a week in the prayer room. How did that impact your writing? Were you writing in the prayer room? Were you getting ideas from your time in the prayer room?

I pretty much wrote the whole thing in the prayer room, which I think is a really cool component. The original idea came in a prayer meeting, and then it was such a cool writing process for me because it wasn’t just writing, it was a lot of critical thing and praying. Again, I started off with, “How do I paint a picture of life in the end times for a kid?” At the beginning that’s a cool idea, but then how do you write about it? How do you paint a picture?

Every kid experiences sadness— they stub their toe, or they lose at a game, or normal kid things, but what does sadness look like for a kid in the end times? There are about ten different action words like running, or emotions like fear, throughout the book. With some of them, like the word “sadness,” I camped out for an entire two-hour prayer meeting, just trying to hone in and pray about it. For many of them I would write down ideas that were cool and rhyming, but then I thought, “No, it just doesn’t settle; I can make this better. This doesn’t accurately communicate what I want. What does sadness look like in the end times? This doesn’t really fit.”

It was a lot of back and forth with the Lord, and a lot of tweaking. I would write a stanza down and then pray through it, and then would need to go back to the drawing board or look at it from a different light. It was really a ton of interaction with the Lord and He gave a lot of ideas. I was typing and praying and just waiting on the Lord, and then an idea would come, like, “Oh yeah, sadness could look like mourning over your friends who were faithful to Jesus and lost their lives, that’s real!”

Throughout the whole tone of the book, I wanted to communicate the intensities and difficulties of the end times, but no doom and gloom. I wanted to communicate peace and that the Lord is with you. When I would have an idea that was a little too heavy, I would have to pray though it and the Lord would bring me back to center, like, “How do I communicate this in a way that doesn’t scare away all the kids?”

Did you end up having a favorite spread in the book?

Probably the “fear” one. It’s probably my favorite illustration, just because my illustrator Philip did incredibly, and he took my writing to the next level with his interpretation of it. I was like, “Oh dang, yeah! Let’s go with your idea; what you wanted to communicate is even better than what I had originally intended!”

Fear is such a strong emotion, and if you’ve heard about the end times before, you’ve probably heard a lot of the hard things about it. Fear is a really easy one to see that, okay, yeah, it’s going to look different because a lot of crazy stuff is happening. It’s an easy one to grasp, at least a little bit. Every kid experiences fear, and we all know what we were afraid of when we were kids, and those memories stick with us.

I feel like this one more than any other emotion captures the fact that there’s a lot of fear in the end times, but the Lord can help us work through that and overcome, and it’s actually a sign of his goodness. That spread is my favorite because the picture and words really communicate a negative emotion in a positive light.

Your illustrator Philip Ortiz is fantastic. How did you find him, and then what was the process of working with him like?

For the illustrator component, I knew nothing. All I knew is that I’m a writer, I am not an illustrator [laughs], so I need someone to help me. During the beginning process, I considered everything. There are a lot more illustrators in general than there are Christian illustrators, and so I wondered, “Do I hire some super talented, unsaved person whose style I like because they’re easier to find?”

The more I prayed about it, the more I realized, NO, it has to be equal. The illustrations are telling as much of the story as, if not more than, my words. I’m providing the framework, the foundation, and then the illustrator is really providing all of the substance that kids are drawn to. I very quickly realized it needed to be a Christian doing my art.

Then I thought, “Oh, wait, since this is the end times and there’s so much disagreement about this theology, I need to have an illustrator who is on the same page as me with what we’re trying to communicate. We need to be unified and not constantly butting heads over interpretation. So it not only needs to be a Christian, but someone who’s tracking with the same ideas, has their heart involved in the story, and is living a life of prayer. IHOP! It needs to be someone up at IHOPKC.”

I went on a Facebook group of IHOPers that I was part of (I was plugged in at IHOPKC for a number of years) and just put out a call like, “I need help— children’s book author— need illustrator— help!” Within a day I had 15 or so different illustrators recommended to me. At that point I didn’t know any of them by name, so I had to just look at all their online portfolios. I liked Philip’s stuff, and so we had an initial phone call.

I’m so grateful for Philip because there’s so much to the process of printing a book that I didn’t have any idea how to do. Philip was not only an incredible illustrator who was in a life of prayer and going deep in the end times himself, but he had also done kids’ books before [such as The New Earth: You’re Gonna Love It by Kathi DeCanio]. He knew the process of how to take this project from beginning to end. He knew all the different steps and legal stuff and how to get a bar code and get it registered… I knew nothing of that! In the initial conversation he said, “I have a passion not just to be an illustrator but to help the author be successful.” And I was like, “Oh my gosh, yes! I didn’t know I needed that, but now I’m convinced that I need your skills and wisdom!” And so all throughout the process, he really helped guide the project.

A book about the tribulation for kids is pretty niche. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything quite like that before! Why do you think this topic is so important for kids?

One, because it’s not talked about anywhere. There are so few resources. God gave us the Bible to be helpful; it’s all profitable for teaching and instruction [2 Timothy 3:16], and so kids deserve to have resources about the end times. I believe, from the Word of God and what we see around us, that we’re getting close! Of course we don’t know exactly when Jesus is coming back, but we’re getting close. If Jesus is coming back soon, our kids are going to be the future leaders that I believe are going to go through a lot of this stuff.

Kids are like wet cement; they’re impressionable. If we start diving into the end times message now and sowing these seeds into them, we’re going to set them up to be future pastors or moms or small group leader or businessmen. Whether the return of Jesus is soon or further than we expect, whenever it is— if we can get the message in these kids now, that’s what we want.

And not just our kids, but I want our Christian families getting into new ideas about the tribulation. I want them wrestling through, like, “Is this in the Bible? This author/illustrator are trying to communicate that it is; what do I think? I’ve never talked to my children about this.” So I want to provide a resource that parents can wrestle through and have a way to easily engage their children in the end times message with the familiar format of a picture book.

I’m assuming this is kind of the mindset you have for your son, Cohen, at age two. How are you thinking about raising him in this message? Is the tribulation something you talk about with a two-year-old? How do you introduce him to this and raise him in this generation?

At age two, he reads this book and calls it “Daddy’s book”; he loves it. [Me: 😍] Obviously I’m just sowing seeds. If you can read this book to a seven-year-old and just put a hook in their heart, and they ask one question, like about the picture of an angel protecting kids— “What’s going on there, Daddy? Why do they need to be protected?”— in my mind that’s a win.

For Cohen, he’s just learning to talk, so for my kid I’m just thinking exposure. I want him to grow up having heard this stuff all his life. I constantly try to make it personal even to a two-year-old, like, “Hey, son, you’re going to be living through these things.” About the page with the angel on it, I’ll say, “Cohen, prayer is powerful. You see one of the girls is praying, and that’s why God sends the angel. Did you know that you can pray and God moves?” Even though he doesn’t talk back, even at the age of two I’m still sowing seeds.

Luke and his wife Caslin reading The Boy In Two Places with their son Cohen, age two

What has been the response to this book from some of the families who have gotten their hands on it already?

It’s been fun. One of the most fun feedback points for me is from the parents or adults, and they’re reading it and saying, “I’m feeling God!” One of the reviews on Amazon said, “This really is a book not just for children but for families.” I think they’re right! It’s technically called a children’s book, but my aim was for family units. A three-year-old isn’t going to learn about the end times by themselves; their parents are going to help them, and so in my mind if the parents are getting touched, that’s where it all starts.

Another point of feedback is from families who have never even thought about the end times. Even some friends of mine who would say, “Yeah, I appreciate that but I believe a little different thing about the end times”— they’re getting the book into their hands and reading it to their kids. They’re engaging with the storyline, and even though they might not have theological clarity on all that’s going on, they’re excited to introduce their kids to different Bible verses and just start the conversation of, “What if…? I don’t know; let’s journey through this together.”

Do you have more ideas for books in the future?

Nothing currently. I tell the Lord, “Lord, I like writing; I’m not going to become a full-time author, but You gave me this idea and I’m open if You give me ideas in the future.” But I have a sneaking suspicion that I’ll do more books in the future with the same heart, communicating Bible truths to kids in a way that’s powerful and that they can grasp. Children are the age that we need to be aiming at because, again, they’re wet cement, they’re impressionable. It wouldn’t surprise me if down the road there’s another idea that comes. The end times is such a rich topic, and even one specific portion of the end times or one nuanced detail about Jesus could easily be a children’s book. There’s more than enough material that the Lord could give ideas about, so I’m just waiting on Him to see what’s next.

Purchase The Boy in Two Places on Amazon.

 

What I’m Reading: David’s Tabernacle

(Full disclosure: I love to recommend resources to help you in your journey, and when I do I use Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission. But if there’s a resource you want, I encourage you to get it wherever works best for you!)

As you probably know if you follow me on Instagram, because it’s definitely something I talk about fairly often, I really appreciate Matthew Lilley’s Presence Pioneers ministry encouraging praying communities in pursuing the presence of God. It’s been a huge encouragement and blessing to me over the past two years (I even highlighted his podcast in my blog 5 House of Prayer Podcasts I Love), and a recurring theme has been the tabernacle of David. Matthew has spent years going deep in this topic, and I’ve been waiting for him to write a book on it.

Well, he finally has! I was lucky enough to get my hands on an advance copy of David’s Tabernacle, releasing May 18, and LOVED it. Matthew’s style is personal, passionate, and engaging, and there are fresh insights in every chapter. I’ve been in the prayer movement almost nine years and have heard a lot of teachings on the tabernacle of David, but there were a ton of insights and dots connected that I had never thought of before. This book has a really good mix of exploring the historical details of David’s tabernacle, the thematic tie-ins from all over Scripture, and also the implications for the church today.

Okay, let’s back up. What is the tabernacle of David and why does it matter?

In between the tabernacle of Moses and the temple of Solomon, King David had a tabernacle. After growing up as a shepherd boy with a harp falling in love with the presence of God, as a king he brought the ark of the covenant into his own backyard and set up a worship tent that was radically different from the sacrificial model Moses had instituted. David had priests in the tent offering musical worship before the ark 24/7. There was no veil separating the holy of holies; it was open to allow full access into God’s presence. The worship in this tent was continual, original, and prophetic. This is the environment in which many of the Psalms were written.

And today, we are seeing a restoration of this as God raises up a global prayer and worship movement in the spirit of the tabernacle of David!

In Amos 9:11, God promised, “In that day I will raise up the booth of David that is fallen and repair its breaches, and raise up its ruins and rebuild it as in the days of old.” As Matthew describes (Chapter 11: The Promised Restoration), some people see this as being mainly about night and day prophetic worship, and some people see this as being mainly about the eternal throne of Jesus in David’s lineage. I grew up hearing the latter, and my circles now mostly emphasize the former.

One of the things that struck me as a major theme throughout this book is that it’s both.

“David’s kingdom and tabernacle were flowing and functioning together to manifest heaven in Israel, and biblically we cannot separate the ideas of worship and government. Zion, the heavenly throne room, is both a place of God’s rule and a place of day and night worship. There is actually no contradiction in the two interpretations. It’s not an either/or issue.”
(David’s Tabernacle, chapter 11)

David was a king who functioned as a priest. Jesus is a king and priest. We are made kings and priests. God is enthroned in our praises; worship pushes His kingdom forward. Of course Jesus’ kingship, both in the “already and not yet,” is tied to worship. And of course He wants us to partner with Him to establish His kingdom from the place of worshipIt’s the first and second commandment, really. Upward and outward– but upward first.

One of my other favorite parts of this book was “Chapter 10: We Were Made For This”. Matthew breaks down several key passages to uncover the theme woven throughout Scripture that we were always meant to be priests, beginning with the genealogy in the opening verses of 1 Chronicles:

“When sharing the story of David’s tabernacle, the author of I Chronicles begins with lists of genealogies. He starts at the very beginning, with Adam. He does not begin with Abraham, Isaac, or Jacob. He is making his intention clear. This story he is about to tell about David’s tabernacle is reframing the entire story of mankind. Something in David’s story connects all the way back to the beginning of time.”
(David’s Tabernacle, chapter 10)

Okay, so let’s go back to Genesis. As Matthew explains, Adam was told to “work and keep” the garden (Ge. 2:15). The Hebrew words are abad and shamar, which elsewhere are translated “serve and guard” and refer to the priestly ministry of tending God’s presence in the tabernacle (Nu. 3:7–8; 8:25–26; 18:5–6). Adam was a priest. (This is something I explored in my message Our Eternal Priesthood, available on my Resources page.)

The tabernacle of David is massively important for this generation. I believed it before reading this book, but I believe it even more now! It was a moment when the deep desire of God’s heart broke through and had expression in history, because of one man’s zeal to see His presence manifest on earth. God has been using David’s tabernacle as a model ever since, calling His people back to worship in spirit and in truth and enthrone Him on their praises.

David’s Tabernacle is currently available for preorder on Amazon before its May 18, 2021, release date. If you plan to get it, I suggest you do it now– preorders are really good for Amazon rankings, etc! I already ordered a paperback for myself since my pre-release copy was digital, and an extra copy for The Prayer Room‘s library.

To tide you over while you wait for May 18, I also suggest:

What I’m Reading: Seasons of Waiting

(Full disclosure: I love to recommend resources to help you in your journey, and when I do I use Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission. But if there’s a resource you want, I encourage you to get it wherever works best for you!)

Continuing my What I’m Reading series, here’s one that I initially did NOT want to read.

A year and a half ago, I was at the 2017 Onething conference in Kansas City. I was browsing the bookstore and saw this beautiful matte turquoise cover with chalk-style caligraphy. It was called Seasons of Waiting: Walking by Faith When Dreams are Delayed by Betsy Childs Howard. I picked it up and flipped through it. I thought, “This would be a really great book for… someone else.” I was definitely in a season of waiting (still am) but I thought I had dealt with the emotions and landed in a good place.

That’s when the Holy Spirit gently whispered, “Caitlyn, you need to read this book.”

Um. Okay, that was clear.

I resisted the nudge at first because I thought I didn’t need to read it… or maybe I just didn’t want to give the emotions the opportunity to get stirred up again. Probably mostly the latter.

But He kept saying it, and I know better than to tell Him no and walk away. So I bought the book.

I didn’t read it for a year and a half, mind you. It sat on my shelf, and I knew I needed to read it, but I was a little scared. I really felt like I was doing well! I really didn’t want to become a puddle of emotions over circumstances I couldn’t change. It’s easier just to stuff them down and keep going… and for most of 2018, I was doing really well at that.

This year, the emotions came out of hibernation, and welp, they’re as loud as ever.

I finally broke down and took the book with me on a trip home for my sister’s wedding. I read it in one sitting on the return flight… and yeah, God was right. I needed that.

Really, most or all of us are in some kind of waiting, but this book is written for those who feel the waiting acutely, those with a constant pain, a constant prayer held in tension. The book includes several chapters on general principles of waiting, and then devotes a chapter to each of several different kinds of waiting: waiting for a spouse, a child, a healing, a home, and a prodigal. For me, the chapter about waiting for a spouse was the one I was most eager to learn from.

Chapter one talks about the “school of waiting” in which God does some of His most important work:

“You see, for God, the goal of this school [of waiting] is not that I should learn my lesson so that I don’t have to wait anymore. God wants me to learn how to wait to that I can wait well, even if my waiting continues for the rest of my life… Rather than end my waiting, he wants to bless my waiting.”
(Betsy Childs Howard, Seasons of Waiting, page 14)

As non-encouraging as the phrase “for the rest of my life” may be, it’s true that God hasn’t promised me the thing I’m waiting for. I know that He is good, faithful, and kind, but nowhere does the Bible say “Caitlyn Lutz shall have a husband, amen.” Even as I believe I have received subjective prophetic indications that marriage is in His plan for me, I don’t feel permission to claim that with absolute authority. I certainly don’t have any kind of timeline!

I have to learn how to wait well, whether it’s months, years, or decades.

The thing about this book that so grabbed my heart was the emphasis on how every kind of waiting is a prophetic picture of the story of God, especially of the Bride waiting for the return of the Bridegroom. Of course, this isn’t a new idea to me, but hearing it again so clearly was refreshing and encouraging.

“…God has given you a parable. Each different kind of waiting shines light on a different facet of the gospel story. Only those who have been given eyes to see and ears to hear can perceive the redemptive picture God paints through our waiting.”
(page 22)

“We don’t ordinarily know how long we will be waiting… But in that sense, our waiting is an even better parable of what it means to wait for the coming of the Lord.”
(page 21)

Of course, this doesn’t mean that God wants to emotionally torture me in order to make me an example. Of course not! It means that there is a sweetness of encounter with Him in the waiting, as I let my ache for my earthly desires lead me into the ache of longing for Him.

Spiritual hunger is a gift. Longing for Jesus, especially for His return, is something that only the Holy Spirit can stir up in us– and then He meets us in that longing, because we get to fellowship with Him in HIS longing for the exact same thing!

“And Jesus said to them, ‘Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast.'”
(Matthew 9:15)

I’ve been waiting for a husband only about a decade. Jesus has been waiting since the original fall in the garden of Eden to marry His Bride, and He’s endured so. much. rejection and heartbreak along the way. There is a precious intimacy reserved for those who are willing to let themselves enter into the longings of Jesus’ heart.

I am so grateful for this book encouraging me to press into Jesus through my waiting. I can’t say that it makes the ache of waiting any less acute, but it does make the waiting richer and more meaningful. I begin to see purpose and glory in the waiting, and that gives me a sense of settledness and peace.

Epilogue: While I was writing this post, I met a woman in the prayer room who was in a different kind of season of waiting. I immediately knew that I had to give her my copy of this book, so I did, and bought it again on Kindle to finish writing the post. I pray it’s as much of a blesisng to her as it was to me!

Seasons of Waiting is available on Amazon.

What I’m Reading: All Things New

(Full disclosure: I love to recommend resources to help you in your journey, and when I do I use Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission. But if there’s a resource you want, I encourage you to get it wherever works best for you!)

This past Christmas, my family blessed me with a big stack of books I had put on my wishlist. (Yes, we do wishlists in my fam, and it’s great!) One I was especially excited about was All Things New by John Eldredge. If you’ve been reading Fragrance Arise for a while you know that I quote him every chance I get (like in Why The Beauty of Jesus is My Life Message) and recently reread and blogged about his book Epic. Few authors have impacted me more. Normally I wouldn’t blog about the same author two What I’m Reading posts in a row, but this one is fresh on my heart and I’m so excited to talk about it.

John Eldredge is probably– no, is definitely– my favorite contemporary nonfiction author. His perspective on the Story of God and the sacred romance of our relationship with Him has captivated my heart’s imagination and given beautifully potent imagery to the way I think about God. (Fun fact– John Eldredge’s book The Sacred Romance was a key inspiration for Ted Dekker’s portrayal of the “Great Romance” in the Circle series of novels. So I even owe my Dekker obsession to John Eldredge!)

All Things New is John’s newest book, and it draws its name from a verse toward the very end of the Bible:

“And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.'”
(Revelation 21:5)

It’s a portrait of the “happily ever after” at the end of the story of this age, after Jesus returns, when God restores everything that has been stolen and broken, and fully gives us every good and perfect gift to enjoy forever.

I have to admit– I was nervous to start this book. As excited as I was, I actually procrastinated several months after receiving it. The idea of the “restoration of all things” (as Acts 3:21 says it) in the Millennial Kingdom and beyond is not new to me, and ever since I started studying the end times about seven years ago, the hope of that final glorious restoration has been an anchor to my soul and a theological truth very near and dear to my heart.

However, I know that there are many different end time beliefs in the body of Christ, and I LOVE John Eldredge so much that I just really didn’t want to be disappointed. It took the encouragement of a friend whose judgment I have grown to trust for me to take the plunge… and holy crap, I’m so glad I did. (He actually barely touches specific beliefs about the return of Jesus. The tribulation isn’t mentioned once. I think people from across the eschatological spectrum would be blessed by this book and wouldn’t find much to argue with.)

What I love most about this book is that as much as it is richly biblical, it’s far more deeply emotional. None of the theology was new to me, but John’s way of drawing out the emotional implications moved me to tears more than once.

The book begins with John sharing very candidly about some heartbreaking losses he and his family experienced– a grandchild, a best friend. Amid the agony of that season, the need for a vibrant hope in a future restoration became desperately clear. We need more than the vague idea that “they’re in a better place” and someday we’ll be together again in some vague cloud of ethereal bliss. We need a “wild hope” (a phrase which both C. S. Lewis and John Eldredge are fond of) in a very REAL, tangible, concrete Restoration.

“The secret to your unhappiness and the answer to the agony of the earth are one and the same–we are longing for the kingdom of God. We are longing for the restoration of all things. That is the only hope strong enough, brilliant enough, glorious enough to overcome the heartache of this world.”
(John Eldredge, All Things New, p 17)

Isn’t this what we have been dreaming of? Most of us don’t have words for it, but whenever we experience those rare moments of pure joy, something in us longs for it to last forever. Even more, when we experience the terrible, ripping pain of loss, we cry out for “everything sad… to come untrue”, as Tolkein’s Samwise Gamgee put it. Deep in our gut, we know what we were made for. We feel the brokenness of the world and know that we were made for more. And we’re going to get it.

We must dare to imagine a very real, future, restored Kingdom on Earth.

What can we look forward to in the Restoration?

Our bodies will be resurrected and infused with glory. All pain and physical limitations will be gone. This hope especially has become central in the mythology of this generation– the heroes of Marvel and DC. The vampires of Twilight. We know deep to our core that our very bodies were made for more.

Earth will be made new, which is not to say that it will be destroyed and Earth 2.0 will take its place, but it will actually be made new— renewed, restored, made young and bright and innocent again. Earth, our Earth, not an ethereal swirly realm of heavenly fluff.

WE WILL LIVE IN RESURRECTED BODIES ON A RESTORED EARTH FOREVER.

This is a huge point which John develops carefully and biblically in chapter 2:

“This passage [Revelation 21] isn’t just about heaven, the Sweet By-and-By. John is shown the New Jerusalem coming down out of heaven… the city of God comes to the earth. The dwelling of God, which has heretofore been heaven, comes to humans, who dwell on the earth. Notice also that God promises to make current things new–as opposed to making all ne wthings. If God were wiping away reality as we know it and ushering in a new reality, the phrase would have been ‘I am making all new things!’… Annihilation is not nearly as impressive as redemption.”
(John Eldredge, All Things New, p 25, 31)

The animal kingdom will be restored to rightful balance. The lion will lie down with the lamb and so much more! We will all be Steve Irwin, with even more perfect and fearless harmony between species.

We will be reunited with loved ones. My last memories of my grandma are of tiredness, illness, and forgetfulness. I can’t wait to see her in the renewed world– younger than I ever knew her, with perfect stamina and memory, no more mental blocks from childhood trauma, her beautiful operatic voice never breaking or tiring. She will want to show me her favorite places in Oregon, where she grew up, I’m sure– her favorite rivers where the deer will gather and eat out of our hands, her favorite bike trails and mountaintop views.

We will meet the heroes of renown (and also the unsung heroes) from generations of the family of God. My friend Hannah and I have made a plan to sit down with C. S. Lewis for coffee in the New Jerusalem just as soon as we get a chance. We will have all eternity for good old Jack, the father of Narnia, to become our best friend.

All relationships in Christ will be restored. The old friend who let hardness overtake them and won’t speak to me anymore… if reconciliation is not to be in this age, we WILL have it to the full in the next age. We will love each other perfectly forever. I actually think of this often… it frees my heart to smile and forgive, knowing that they will embrace me again one day, like it or not!

Jesus will fully vindicate us of every injustice. He will give us real, specific rewards that publicly make known how He felt about us in the hardest times, when we chose humility through pressure and pain. He will loudly tell our story the way He saw it, without distortion. No matter what people say about me now, a day of vindication is coming.

Hope: The Anchor of our Souls

If hope in the Restoration becomes a very real expectation in our hearts, it will change everything. Every loss seems more temporary and bearable. Every moment of joy isn’t fleeting, but just a down payment of future bliss. Every lost opportunity is nothing compared to the infinite opportunities in an eternal, renewed Kingdom.

One of the simplest stories from All Things New perhaps impacted me the most. John’s daughter-in-law Emilie had been looking forward to a backpacking trip with some old and dear friends. When the trip was canceled, she smiled and said confidently, “Never mind. I’ll see them at the Restoration.”

What a perspective of confident expectation! How silly are our “bucket lists” when we have all eternity to adventure, explore, and experience.

Maybe someday I will write another post developing some of these ideas directly from Scripture, but today I’m just sharing my imaginings and musings. For now, read All Things New (get it on Amazon), and if you like, check out my post on resurrected bodies called Easter: The Promise of Future Resurrection.

May we always set our hope on that Day.

“…that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus, whom heaven must receive until the time for restoring all the things about which God spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets long ago.”
(Acts 3:20-21)

What I’m Reading: Unceasing

(Full disclosure: I love to recommend resources to help you in your journey, and when I do I use Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission. But if there’s a resource you want, I encourage you to get it wherever works best for you!)

As I’ve mentioned several times on this blog (HERE and then HERE), The Prayer Room is currently running a part-time worship school. One of the students’ assignments is to read Unceasing by Billy Humphrey, the director of the International House of Prayer Atlanta. It was really important to us that in addition to their music training, our students were also getting the DNA of the house of prayer and we couldn’t think of a better book to assign than Unceasing. Today, continuing my What I’m Reading series, this is the book I want to talk about.

IHOP-Atlanta is the only place on the continent outside of IHOPKC running 24/7 live prayer and worship. They’ve been doing this since 2006 and have a strong and fervent vision for the worth of Jesus and the importance of night and day prayer in this generation.

I’ve skimmed through Unceasing before (or at least the old edition entitled Until He Comes) but today during my prayer meetings I took some time to read through it thoroughly. It’s a pretty quick read at only 137 pages, and it clearly lays out the theological and historical foundation of the house of prayer from several different angles.

The first chapter is called “It’s Happening!” which I love because that’s exactly what comes out of my mouth every time I start gushing excitedly about the prayer movement. “It’s happening! GOD is DOING it! Everywhere, all at once, in our generation!”

When we talk about the 24/7 prayer movement, we first must realize that this is a sovereign move of God that is actually occurring right underneath our noses. There are houses of prayer and praying communities pursuing 24/7 springing up all over the world, and although some of them were influenced by IHOPKC, many have never heard of it, and even the ones who are familiar all have their own stories of how God called them into this. (At The Prayer Room, God clearly spoke to our director, “Start a daily prayer meeting tomorrow morning at 5:00 a.m. and don’t stop until I come back!” and we started the next day in his living room, only later realizing that we had been commissioned to be a house of prayer not unlike IHOPKC.)

In the 1980s there were only a handful of ministries in the world pursuing night and day prayer. Today there are close to 20,000. (He’s said this in the book Growing in Prayer as well as many other times.)

GOD. IS. DOING. THIS.

When we discussed chapter 1 in the school the first week, our students were enthralled by the story of the 24 houses of prayer within one Chinese house church network, all going 24/7 (yes– to my knowledge we’ve got exactly two in the US, and this one corner of China has 24). These Chinese house churches had never heard of any Western expressions of 24/7 prayer, and simply attributed their vision to their desire to see the gospel spread through the nations and go back to Jerusalem. They knew if they wanted to see a move of God that massive, they had better throw all of their energy into as much prayer as possible. The Holy Spirit stirred in their hearts that 24/7 prayer was a logical, rational act of partnership with the Kingdom of God.

Chapters 2-7 walk through the biblical and historical origins of the house of prayer, from the tabernacle of David that was birthed in the lovesick heart of a shepherd, to the cycle of Old Testament revivals that happened every time the Davidic order was reinstated, to Jesus’ zealous declaration that “My house shall be called a house of prayer!”, to various historical monastic expressions of unceasing prayer, to the state of the global prayer movement today. The weight of the biblical and historical evidence is staggering: God deeply desires 24/7 intercession and adoration, and there are certain things in His heart He will not release until His people pray night and day.

The second half of the book develops the core theological reasons for unceasing prayer, if the example of the tabernacle of David wasn’t already enough. These reasons include:

  • speedy justice as promised in Luke 18:6-7 (fun fact, this verse was the dramatic marking moment for me to devote my life to the prayer movement)
  • the salvation of Israel and watchmen set on the wall to see God’s purposes for her fulfilled (Isaiah 62:6-7)
  • ushering in the Kingdom of God (specifically the “not yet” of the Kingdom– yes, 24/7 prayer and worship is a key part of the drama of ushering in the return of Jesus and the dawn of the next age!)
  • the Joel 2 mandate for prayer and fasting in the face of impending judgment.

In my opinion, the heart and soul of the book is chapter 8, “The Single Most Compelling Reason”. That reason is simple: JESUS IS WORTHY.

“What is Jesus worth to you? How can His worth be measured? …How can we attribute a price to Him who is matchless, without comparison, without equal, the very definition of beauty and rarity?

…He is worthy of worship every second of every minute of every hour of every day. When I’m asked why we do night-and-day prayer, the answer is simple: Jesus is worthy of it. When the question comes, ‘How can you worship Him twenty-four hours a day?’ the simple answer is, ‘How can we not worship Him twenty-four hours a day?'”

Billy Humphrey, “Unceasing,” p 77, 79

This is it right here.

If every other reason fell away–if David never built his tabernacle, if there was no global prayer movement, if the return of Jesus was still a thousand years off–He would still be worthy of 24/7 worship.

I love the way Unceasing tells the story of Jesus’ humility, that great Philippians 2 descent from the highest heights all the way to become “obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:6-11) Jesus’ humility is one of my favorite things to write about because I see the crux of His beauty right there in His radical love. His worth and His beauty is directly tied to what He has done. “Worthy are You… for You were slain.” (Revelation 5:9)

In response to all He has done and the beauty of all He is, is there any offering too extravagant? Is there any passion too extreme? Is there any commitment too radical?

In light of Jesus’ great beauty and worth, 24/7 prayer and worship just makes sense.

It’s the only thing that makes sense.

Find Unceasing on Amazon.

How can we not worship Him 24 hours a day?

 

What I’m Reading: Epic

(Full disclosure: I love to recommend resources to help you in your journey, and when I do I use Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission. But if there’s a resource you want, I encourage you to get it wherever works best for you!)

“What if all the great stories that have ever moved you, brought you joy or tears–what if they are telling you something about the true Story into which you were born, the Epic into which you have been cast?”
Epic by John Eldredge, page 15

Continuing my What I’m Reading series, today I want to talk about one of my all-time favorites. There are few books on my shelf I’ve reread as many times as Epic by John Eldredge. I first read it in high school, and it has become one of the books I most love to recommend and give away. (Luckily, it’s super cheap on Amazon! You can stock up and pass them out like candy!) This small book feels like a tiny treasure, the secret story of the universe wrapped in poetry and movie references. It has captured my imagination and given me a framework for life, theology, and Story in so many ways.

The premise of Epic is two-fold: 1) all of history is a Story told by God, a sweeping epic of eternal proportions, and 2) this Story is reflected and illuminated by the stories we love.

From the time before time, the eternal fellowship of the Trinity before creation, to the roller coaster of humanity’s fall and redemption, to the future restoration of all things, our great “happily ever after”–the gospel is a story, a sweeping epic of love, loss, war, sacrifice, betrayal, romance, homecoming, and adventure. The trouble is that most of us don’t realize “what sort of tale we’ve fallen into”, to borrow a phrase from Samwise Gamgee, as John Eldredge does. Epic says that for most of us, life feels like a movie we’ve arrived to 45 minutes late. We feel a bit lost and confused. We missed the opening exposition and never saw the trailer. What is happening and what kind of story should I expect?

We need to know the Story.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God has planted eternity in the human heart. He’s given us an instinctive sense of the story of the ages, longings that point to the truth, and it comes out in the books we write and the movies we film. The Story of the ages is retelling itself in our stories.

Epic draws on familiar imagery from some of the most beloved stories of our culture, from The Lord of the Rings to Titanic, to paint a vivid and living picture in the reader’s mind. I love this approach because it brings the emotions of the gospel to life, which may be dull in us due to overfamiliarity or total unfamiliarity. We may not always weep over the gospel or feel the surging longing for Kingdom adventure, but we sure do for our favorite movies!

After the prologue sets up this premise of Story, the rest of the chapters go through Act One, Act Two, etc of the gospel, beginning with the fellowship of the Trinity in the time before time…

the devastating betrayal of the fall of Lucifer…

the breathtaking dawn of creation…

the war for the human soul and the victory of redemption…

and the future, final restoration of all things, our great and glorious “happily ever after” for all eternity.

This is the sort of tale we’ve fallen into, an Epic more brilliant and breathtaking than the greatest our imaginations have ever produced.

I can’t recommend Epic enough. It’s always super cheap on Amazon and about 100 pages… really, you have no excuse NOT to read this book!

What I’m Reading: Gay Girl, Good God

(Full disclosure: I love to recommend resources to help you in your journey, and when I do I use Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission. But if there’s a resource you want, I encourage you to get it wherever works best for you!)

I’ve been following Jackie Hill Perry on social media (Twitter, Instagram) for about a year and have fallen in love with her boldness, zeal for holiness, awe at the gospel, and all-consuming love for Jesus. She’s a rapper and spoken word artist (her album Crescendo came out last year and is straight FIRE) as well as an author and speaker.

Part of her testimony is that she used to identify as a lesbian and pursue same-sex relationships. I’ve heard pieces of her story before in various videos, and she has earned my respect enough that I was eager to pick up her first book, Gay Girl, Good God. (I actually put it on my Christmas list and then broke down and bought it on Kindle early!)

In addition to my respect for Jackie, I knew I needed to read this because I have LGBTQ-identifying friends, both those who call themselves Christian and those who do not, and I also have SSA (Same-Sex Attracted) Christian friends who love Jesus and are saying no to that aspect of their sexuality. Plus, I know that there will be a time when the issue becomes even more personal. When will a family member come out as gay? When will I find myself discipling a new believer wrestling with SSA or gender identity? I can’t avoid this. I need to be listening to the stories of those who have lived those experiences and come out making Jesus supreme over their temptations, with a fierce love for Him and a robust theology of gender, sexuality, and most importantly, the simple gospel. This book is all of that and more.

The first thing I was struck by is how dang poetic this book was. Clearly, Jackie’s wordsmithery and penchant for descriptors that captivate the imagination aren’t confined to performance poetry. 50 pages in, I texted a friend that it was probably the most the most poetic non-fiction book I had ever read. (The style reminded me a bit of Tosca Lee’s Havah, easily the most poetic fiction I have ever read.) I also loved the frequent quotations of C. S. Lewis. Never a bad choice.

“Who I was made more sense when I was with him. He was a different mirror. With him, I could see where I’d gotten things my mama didn’t own. I enjoyed every minute with this inconsistent relative I called ‘Daddy,’ until he started using words that I didn’t believe belonged to him, like, ‘I love you.’ That sentence was too big to fit in his mouth.”

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry, chapter 4

Jackie is transparently honest about her history of hurt from men, her early discovery of her same-sex attraction, her love for her girlfriend, her surrender to God’s relentless pursuit, and the struggles and temptations she has faced on the journey of the renewal of her mind–aka, the same sanctification process we must all go through.

I especially loved the final chapter, “The Heterosexual Gospel”. It reminded me a lot of the thoughts in an article I wrote about a while ago. (What I’m Reading: “I Never Became Straight. Perhaps That Was Never God’s Goal.”)

“The ‘heterosexual gospel’ is one that encourages SSA men and women to come to Jesus so that they can be straight or that coming to Jesus ensures that they will be sexually attracted to the opposite sex…

“What could be implied from those who preach the ‘heterosexual gospel’ is that our sexuality is all that God cares about. I am convinced that this thinking has kept many SSA men and women from experiencing the beauty of true repentance…

“For the unbeliever that is SSA, God is not mainly calling them to be straight; He’s calling them to Himself. To know Christ, love Christ, serve Christ, honor Christ, and exalt Christ, forever.”

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry, chapter 17

To me, this is not mostly a book about sexuality. It’s a story of transformation, not from gay to straight, but from enemy of God to lover of God. It’s a story of the goodness of God and the radical, jealous love of Jesus that envelops, consumes, and reworks everything for His glory. Jackie celebrates Jesus in every syllable and loves Him in every line.

“In my becoming Holy as He is, I would not be miraculously made into a woman that didn’t like women; I’d be made into a woman that loved God more than anything.”

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry, chapter 8

As I read Gay Girl, Good God in the prayer room, I was swept up into the glory of what God has done in her life. In the afterward, Jackie said it was an act of worship to write this book, and it felt like an act of worship to read it.

You can pick up Gay Girl, Good God on Amazon.

 

What I’m Reading: Longhairs Rising

(Full disclosure: I love to recommend resources to help you in your journey, and when I do I use Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission. But if there’s a resource you want, I encourage you to get it wherever works best for you!)

Continuing my What I’m Reading series, this week I’ve been getting into Longhairs Rising by Dean Briggs. I feel like God kind of dropped it into my lap when I was at the Onething conference in Kansas City in the last few days of December. I was browsing the bookstore when I heard two people behind me talking.

“Hmm, interesting, it looks like it’s about the Nazirites,” a guy said.

Immediately, my head whipped around to see him handing a thin book back to a woman, then he walked away.

“Excuse me,” I asked the woman. “Where did you pick up that book? I heard you guys talking about Nazirites and I had to find out.”

“Oh, it was on that table near the front,” she said, pointing. “But you know what? You take this one. I’ll grab another copy.”

I accepted the book from her and started flipping through it, getting more and more excited. It was only $9 and the only book I bought the entire conference.

If the word Nazirite is new to you, you’re probably very confused right now. The Nazirites were individuals in the Bible who had taken a vow of special consecration to the Lord. Anyone could do it, and it could be for a limited time or lifelong. Well-known Nazirites include Samson and John the Baptist. According to Numbers 6:1-21, Nazirites made three main vows:

  1. Abstain from wine and all grape-derived foods
  2. Abstain from cutting their hair
  3. Abstain from going near a dead body, even that of a family member

This idea of the Nazirites means a lot to me because close to ten years ago, when I was in college, I first read a powerful booklet by Lou Engle called Nazirite DNA. (I did a What I’m Reading post on Nazirite DNA a year ago.) That little 38-page book stirred up a desire in me to be wholly set apart for God, even to the point of giving up “lesser pleasures” that might distract me from pursuing Him wholeheartedly.

Longhairs Rising reads like a sequel to Nazirite DNA, diving deep into more of the heart motivation behind making such a radical vow. Dean’s premise is that it’s all about LOVE. As simple and obvious as that claim might seem, I was surprised by how powerfully it caught my heart.

“Love ultimately originates with God, from God… love overcomes all, even the fear of death itself. This kind of love, not legalism, fuels the Nazirite vow, which is precisely what makes a young Nazirite so dangerous on the earth.”

Longhairs Rising by Dean Briggs, page 7, emphasis added

It’s so easy to see such radical vows as excessive, even legalistic. Why would God care if I cut my hair or not? But if it’s a lavish response to the lavish love of God– that changes the equation. Whether or not a modern Nazirite chooses to grow their hair, the heart is the same: desire to be completely set apart in culturally-conspicuous ways, to be wholly given over to the love and purposes of God.

Ultimately, a Nazirite is “someone willing to die for love.” The more we pursue God, the more we become transformed into His likeness, until the Lamb who was slain has an army of lion-hearted lambs bearing witness to His love in radical, costly ways, up to and including their own death.

That’s what the Nazirite vow is about. It’s right next door to what others have called the “fasted lifestyle”, living a radically Sermon on the Mount life and choosing to die to self so that Christ would be formed in us.

This short book, only slightly longer than Nazirite DNA at 57 pages, is written with teens in mind, but was a huge encouragement to me at 28 to say YES again to the vision that caught my heart when I was 18ish. The loud, bold call to “become love” resonated in me (partly because Holy Spirit, partly because Dean is a really poetic and captivating writer!) and stirred my desire to restart the conversation with God about what it looks like to live wholly consecrated for the sake of love.

Find Longhairs Rising on Amazon