Intentionally Resting Well

Yesterday was a good day.

First (and this is very important) I wore a beautiful new long flowy skirt I got on discount for $13 (originally $100). I love it. (I realised AT CHURCH it still had the security tag attached, but with a bit of cleverness I managed to get it off at home later… so that was an exciting start to my day.)

I went to the early service at church and even though I was late and missed most of worship, I got to hear a wonderful message from Rick Joyner.

I spread out my outdoor throw blanket on the grass in my backyard amid the dandelions and started reading a new novel by one of my favourite authors. (The Calling by Rachelle Dekker, everyone. Check it out.)

Did I mention that it was 69° F and sunny at that time??

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My happy place.

I spent three hours at the home of Erica and Jacob, the leaders of the Kid City 7 sidewalk Sunday school outreach I volunteer at. They invited all of the volunteers over for a delicious lunch and even more delicious fellowship. I had a wonderful heart-to-heart with one girl for almost an hour (this is how introverts party hard), then went outside in the beautiful weather and played with the world’s cutest baby.
In the evening, I met with my College Station ministry trip team for some more vision-casting and logistical stuff. It was really good to talk and pray with them. (I even met a girl I have connections with from home!) The trip is only two weeks away and I’m so excited for what God is going to do!

It’s been a while since I’ve taken the time for a really good refreshing Sabbath. I spend so much time either a) getting stuff done, or b) procrastinating getting stuff done. (Wanna guess which I do more of?) Unfortunately, procrastinating usually looks like scrolling through social media or watching videos online.

I think I need to relearn how to rest well.

For me to rest well, I personally need a good combination of friends, food, laughter, fresh air, grass, sunshine, solitude, books, creativity, and/or worship. Ideally, definitely worship.

As a matter of fact, my favourite part of the day was when I lay on the grass, set down my book, and lay with my face to the sun just thinking about the nearness of God and allowing myself to be the wide-eyed child again.

Yesterday I actually chose to set aside some of my to-dos not to aimlessly procrastinate, but to actually get refreshed. I’ll always have more stuff to do. The to-dos never really end. But if I don’t intentionally take time to rest and refresh, I’m going to burn out and end up forgetting who I am.

I am not my to-do list.

I am not my ministry.

I am not my education.

I’m Caitlyn. I’m the daughter and the beloved of God. I love sunshine and books and creating. I’m essentially the same person today as when I first fell in love with Jesus, and I still need those sweet moments–to put aside an agenda and just be myself with Him–just as much today.

Deliver Me

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A few weeks ago, I posted about my car’s breakdown and having to choose joy in the midst of stress. Here’s the sequel to that episode and what God was teaching me in it.

Idris broke down on Sunday, February 14, (happy Valentine’s Day to me) and was in the shop until Saturday, February 20. It took the mechanic a while to figure out what was wrong with it, so for almost a week, I had no answers — and no car.

The Tuesday of that week in my Desert Spirituality class (we’re studying the Egyptian Coptic monks of the 4th and 5th centuries) my teacher posed a challenge: Meditate on one verse for a week. This was the verse assigned:

“Make haste, O God, to deliver me!
O Lord, make haste to help me!”
(Psalm 70:1)

I admit, although I undertook the challenge enthusiastically, at first I couldn’t really connect with it. David was asking the Lord for deliverance from men who were trying to kill him. Being unable to relate to that situation and feeling pretty secure in most areas of my life, I wrestled with the question, “What do I need deliverance from?”

On Friday, while walking from my piano lesson back to the prayer room, I got a call from my mechanic. Long story short, my catalytic converter was blocked and needed to be replaced ($600) but this was only a symptom of a larger untraceable problem and the blockage would only build back up over time (six months to two years) and possibly damage more things along the way, sooooo… his advice was that I start looking for a new car.

GREAT news to hear on a Friday morning!

I sat down in the prayer room, opened my journal to where I had started to write about Psalm 70:1, and thought wryly, “Welp, I know what I need deliverance from now.”

But in the next moment, I knew it wasn’t my car situation itself that I needed deliverance from. It was my attitude about my car situation.

I needed deliverance from fear. Worry. Distrust. The enemies I was fighting were all internal.

Crazy how I get the most revelation and encounter when I’m suddenly in some sort of desperate situation… when I suddenly realise how much I need Him.

At noon, right at the beginning of her set in the prayer room, Erica Jensen started singing a song by Audrey Assad that has recently become very dear to the entire IHOPKC community since Audrey sang it at Onething. (You can watch the set HERE, and you can even see me in the front row. It’s kind of weird to watch the exact moment God was impacting my heart!)

From the love of my own comfort
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me O God
From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God
And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
–“I Shall Not Want” by Audrey Assad

It was exactly what I needed to hear.

That night, Misty Edwards sang the exact same song at Encounter God service. It was a powerful moment. Even Misty was choking up and had trouble finishing the verse. (You can watch that set HERE. The song starts around 33 minutes.)

Lord, deliver me from fear of not having what I need. Deliver me from trying to figure things out on my own. You are my shepherd, and I shall not want. I lack nothing with You. I rest in Your presence and provision.

Enjoy Audrey Assad singing I Shall Not Want at Onething 2015:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqtVmC9Gt8g

Epilogue: I paid for the repair and got Idris back on Saturday, February 20. I’ve been driving her gently ever since (except that one time I drove to Dallas last weekend…) and she’s been behaving very nicely for me.

Testimony Saturday: Art Museum and the Edge of Hell

Sorry this is a bit late to be a proper Testimony Thursday, but I decided I wanted to wait and put the testimonies from Thursday and Friday up together.

On Thursday I went on outreach for the first time in three weeks. (Two weeks ago we all had to be at a conference, and one week ago we were all on midterm break.) We decided to visit the Nelson Atkins Museum of Art to evangelise. It wasn’t exactly the ideal spot, but we did have a few awesome divine appointments. I wandered around with two other interns. We ended up spending forty minutes talking to an 80-year-old Catholic security guard. We gave him a few prophetic words and he was very encouraged and amazed that we could actually hear God speak to us! In his theology only the saints could do that. We talked to him for about 45 minutes and he was so blessed and encouraged. He is a gem, so faithful to God in his workplace and in his family.

Last night we were at the EGS service at FCF before our outreach to the Edge of Hell haunted house district in Kansas City. I have to start with what happened at FCF because it was freaking incredible. During worship, one of the leaders got a prophetic word that God wanted to break the spirit of oppression off of people. People started speaking out to get free from stuff, because the power of life and death is in the tongue, and spiritual warfare isn’t done quietly in “receiving” mode. I prayed for the girl next to me and prophesied over her (which is something I don’t often do during services, but I was getting all fired up for outreach later and I decided I might as well jump into partnership with Holy Spirit a little early!). Then we all started singing in tongues for a good 30 minutes or so. Praying in the Spirit is powerful, guys. Heaven was coming into that auditorium.

I believe God ambushed that service just for the 60 or so of us who were going to Edge of Hell. He empowered us and prepared us in a very unique way, and the other thousand or so in the room got to reap the side benefits of God having his eye on us. We all got SO stirred up and filled and ready to rock when we had to leave towards the end of worship to jump on our bus. And then we proceeded to loudly pray and sing all the way there.

IHOP has been going for several years to this area to do outreach, and for several weeks this year alone. Last night was a bit more complicated than usual because there was a mix-up with where our bus was supposed to take us, so instead of assembling at the missions base to brief and then going to Edge of Hell inconspicuously, we showed up in the parking lot downtown in our big school bus. The police of course noticed us immediately and told us we had to stay outside the blocked off areas where the actual haunted houses were. This cramped our style a bit, but God wasn’t the least bit shocked or intimidated, so we spread out and started talking to people.

I was with one of the IHOP evangelism staff, Josh MacDonald and a couple of other interns. We considered breaking the rules and going beyond the barrier anyway, but eventually decided that wasn’t our direction, so we started walking along the street and ran into a free hot chocolate station a local church had set up! We talked to them for maybe ten minutes, prayed for them, and healed a guy’s ankle. His foot had been cut OFF in an accident some time ago and reattached at the hospital, then divinely healed so there was no pain, but the pain had been creeping back in. Josh prayed and commanded that thing to be healed, and ten seconds later, the guy was jumping up and down with a big smile on his face. Hallelujah. That same guy actually prophesied over me before we left. He had the name “Caitlyn” in his head before I even introduced myself, and the words he gave me were totally dead on and really encouraging.

A while later, we went into a vintage shop several of us really felt drawn to. It was an cool little place, very artsy and unique, but also quite covered in intense Halloween freakiness and we definitely sensed some very dark spirits. We wandered around checking out the antiques and praying for a couple people, but still not sure what God had for us. One of the interns suddenly remembered that God had given him a dream of this very shop two years ago. Eventually we met a woman who worked there and it soon became clear that she was why we were there. She was a Christian and she had been hit by a car a number of years ago, and the entire lower half of her body was still out of whack. We prayed a couple times and the pain wasn’t leaving, then Josh got a word of knowledge that one of her legs was shorter than the other. She readily acknowledged this to be true, so we sat her down and commanded the right leg to grow. It did–too far! (This is a fairly common occurrence when legs grow out, by the way. God likes to play.) So we then commanded the left leg to grow to match it. (I have to say that even though I’ve seen legs grow out a good dozen times or so, I can’t always actually clearly see the difference. This time was CLEAR.)

The woman was very encouraged and we prayed for her again. My roommate and I prophesied over her, and the woman started crying and sharing her story. She’s been through so much, but she’s not bitter and she’s a powerful light in dark places. She amazes me. It was past closing time when we left and we were the only ones in the store, but before letting us out she sang us a beautiful song about loving sacrificially like Jesus. Heaven touched earth, I tell you. Here in this dark shop where hell had a stronghold, light was shining brightly.

Our group wasn’t the only one that saw God move. There were a lot of healings and several people really considering giving their life to Jesus. [EDIT: Actually, from what I later heard, at least 7 people actually DID get saved that weekend!!] This is a Facebook status from an intern:

Went to the Edge of Hell Haunted Houses tonight and met a woman who had a headache and stomach pain and both were completely healed. Then she looked up at me and told me she was 100% blind and after I prayed she was seeing light and movement for the first time ever and she said the pressure and pain behind her eyes was completely gone! Come on!!!!! Hallelujah!

Amen. God is good! He uses ordinary people to touch a desperate world with power and love.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
(John 1:5)

Bringing Jesus Home

The past few days have been wonderful, overwhelming, emotional… but it’s okay because I like crying. 🙂 God’s doing good things inside me, although I’m not entirely sure what yet.

On Friday night I attended a night of the Call2All congress hosted at FCF. It’s a gathering of church leaders from around the world to put together world evangelism strategies. (Check out Call2All on Facebook with pictures of the event.) At the service I was at, they talked about what was going on with world evangelism and told us about a meeting that happened at Amsterdam 2000 with a few hundred leaders of the world’s most influential ministries such as YWAM and Campus Crusade. They were presented with a list of a couple hundred of the world’s remaining unreached people groups and by the end of the day, they had divided up the list among them and committed together to reach them all. Ideas were flying, partnerships were formed and strategies were devised. The Body of Christ has been mobilised and no corner of the planet is safe.

Also, China is mobilising thousands of missionaries in a divinely inspired “back to Jerusalem” movement aimed at spreading the gospel throughout all the Buddhist, Hindu, and Muslim nations geographically located between China and Israel. I saw many prominent evangelism leaders on stage at FCF on Friday night (along with the governor of Kansas) joining hands with underground church leaders in China (although most of them couldn’t be on stage because being recorded on camera would endanger their lives) and committing together to do this thing. I watched spiritual history being made.

Let me slow down and explain what this means. This is not another “That’s cool, one more step forward.” This means that the finish line is in sight and the Great Commission is more than likely going to be FINISHED in our lifetime. These leaders are expecting it to be complete in their lifetimes, and they’re all 60-70 years old!

“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
(Matthew 28:19)

“And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.”
(Matthew 24:14)

“After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne… crying out with a loud voice, ‘Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!'”
(Revelation 7:9)

One of the main things Jesus is waiting for before he returns is this completing of the Great Commission. And let me repeat—THE FINISH LINE IS IN SIGHT. We are no longer in the “drop in the bucket” stage. We are witnessing the beginnings of the final sweep of the gospel in the nations before Jesus returns. Very, very soon, we’ll be living in Revelation.

Jesus could very possibly, dare I say easily, be back on Earth before I have grandkids. That is not a joke or wishful thinking. That is the evidence of the signs of the times.

This is not the era of “someday he’ll return, won’t that be nice” like it’s a sweet fluffy little “happily ever after” in the vague future. No, one day SOON he’s going to SPLIT THE SKY and come with a roar and the sound of a trumpet. (Is 64:1, 1 Thes 4:16) All of creation groans for that day. This planet is on the edge of its seat, waiting for the revealing of the sons of God on the day when the Firstborn comes home. (Rom 8:19, 23)

This is what I’ve been freaking out about. I cannot possibly live a “normal life” in light of this. The only thing that matters anymore is preparing his bride, bringing him home, and seeing him face to face. What will he say to me on that day? Will he honour me by standing like he did for Stephen? (Acts 7:56) Will he give me the crown of righteousness for those who have loved his appearing? (2 Tim 4:8) Will he say “Well done, good and faithful servant”? (Matt 5:21) A thousand years for now, most of what I’m now filling my life with will not matter. What will stand when my life is tested by fire? (1 Cor 3:12-15)

Peter said we can “hasten the day.” (2 Peter 3:12) There are two specific ways I know of to do this: through prayer/ worship and fulfilling the great commission. He is raising up a 24/7 prayer movement of a lovesick bride crying “Come!” (Rev 22:17) and he is raising up a missions movement to carry his glory to the ends of the earth. (Hab 2:14) And now, he is joining them together.

“They lift up their voices, they sing for joy; over the majesty of the LORD they shout from the west. Therefore in the east give glory to the LORD; in the coastlands of the sea, give glory to the name of the LORD, the God of Israel. From the ends of the earth we hear songs of praise, of glory to the Righteous One.”
(Isaiah 24:14-16a)

What will that look like for me? Do I join IHOPKC? Do I join YWAM? Do I live as an ordinary radical SAHHM (Stay At Home Homeschool Mom)? I don’t know. And for the time being, I am okay with that. There are a few things I know about my destiny. God’s been revealing these to me one by one, uniquely tailored to me. I was made to:

  • Pour out my worship like Mary of Bethany. (First Commandment)
  • Cast vision for who God is and what he’s doing. (Second Commandment and Great Commission)
  • Live with the clear endgame of Jesus’ return to marry his Bride and establish his Kingdom.

That is what my life is about. I want to bring Jesus home. And that day is suddenly looking very, very close.

People, get ready.

The Kingdom Belongs to Such as These

Saturday night was my second night serving in the Children’s Equipping Center (CEC), the children’s ministry center at FCF. I help lead the 8- to 12-year-old girls every 5th service on either Friday or Saturday. This Saturday was amazing. I’d been told that these kids are crazy Spirit-filled and watch out because they will prophesy your socks off, but this was the first time I’d actually seen what went on that night. At least half a dozen kids got slain in the Spirit as their peers prayed for them and were on the floor through most of worship. I was skeptical at first (these are IHOP kids; they’ve grown up with this stuff) but they got up telling me all these stories of visions they’d had that sounded like something straight out of Revelation. They asked if they could pray for me, but they first had to make sure I was standing in a place that if I fell down, I wouldn’t hit my head on the stage. I was so blessed by their prayers. I’m sure I’ll be telling more stories of them throughout the internship.

I love the way the CEC leaders teach the kids–they put biblical realities in kid-friendly language so they can have clarity on it, but they don’t boil anything down. They’ve been going through Jesus’ parables the past few weeks, and I love to sit under the teaching and glean stuff I’d never thought about before. The leaders really listen to and respect the kids, and the kids really have some profound insight on these passages. I feel like I’m learning so much about children’s ministry, leading kids in general, and even the heart of God in general. CEC is an incredible ministry.

Also, I wanted to share with you an insight I got the other day in the prayer room. I was meditating on the Trinity and trying to wrap my mind around this”one yet three, three yet one, together yet separate” thing. I asked Jesus why he never told a parable of the Trinity, because we sure do need one, and what he brought to mind was a cartoon I’d seen years ago as a child. It’s about a whale that has three uvulae and therefore literally sings with three voices at the same time. His voices fill the ocean with beautiful three-part operatic harmony. Each voice has its own unique place in the harmony and interacts with the others in such a way as to create a complex, dynamic song. One song, one person, three voices. He is his own harmony.

So God is like a whale that sings with three voices? “Yes. No! But if it helps, yes.”* It’s at least a close enough picture to move me to awe. And I think that’s all he was really after.

How amazing that God hid this little revelation inside a Disney short from 1946! I imagine him giving that little nugget of the Divine Story to some animator who may or may not have even known him, but God just wanted to hide this little secret for the children and the childlike who have eyes to see and ears to hear.

“At that time Jesus declared, ‘I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children.'”
(Matthew 11:25)

“But Jesus called them to him, saying, ‘Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.'”
(Luke 18:16-17)

* The Doctor, Doctor Who series 6 episode 4, “The Doctor’s Wife.” And yes, Doctor Who does apply to every situation.