What I’m Reading: Gay Girl, Good God

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I’ve been following Jackie Hill Perry on social media (Twitter, Instagram) for about a year and have fallen in love with her boldness, zeal for holiness, awe at the gospel, and all-consuming love for Jesus. She’s a rapper and spoken word artist (her album Crescendo came out last year and is straight FIRE) as well as an author and speaker.

Part of her testimony is that she used to identify as a lesbian and pursue same-sex relationships. I’ve heard pieces of her story before in various videos, and she has earned my respect enough that I was eager to pick up her first book, Gay Girl, Good God. (I actually put it on my Christmas list and then broke down and bought it on Kindle early!)

In addition to my respect for Jackie, I knew I needed to read this because I have LGBTQ-identifying friends, both those who call themselves Christian and those who do not, and I also have SSA (Same-Sex Attracted) Christian friends who love Jesus and are saying no to that aspect of their sexuality. Plus, I know that there will be a time when the issue becomes even more personal. When will a family member come out as gay? When will I find myself discipling a new believer wrestling with SSA or gender identity? I can’t avoid this. I need to be listening to the stories of those who have lived those experiences and come out making Jesus supreme over their temptations, with a fierce love for Him and a robust theology of gender, sexuality, and most importantly, the simple gospel. This book is all of that and more.

The first thing I was struck by is how dang poetic this book was. Clearly, Jackie’s wordsmithery and penchant for descriptors that captivate the imagination aren’t confined to performance poetry. 50 pages in, I texted a friend that it was probably the most the most poetic non-fiction book I had ever read. (The style reminded me a bit of Tosca Lee’s Havah, easily the most poetic fiction I have ever read.) I also loved the frequent quotations of C. S. Lewis. Never a bad choice.

“Who I was made more sense when I was with him. He was a different mirror. With him, I could see where I’d gotten things my mama didn’t own. I enjoyed every minute with this inconsistent relative I called ‘Daddy,’ until he started using words that I didn’t believe belonged to him, like, ‘I love you.’ That sentence was too big to fit in his mouth.”

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry, chapter 4

Jackie is transparently honest about her history of hurt from men, her early discovery of her same-sex attraction, her love for her girlfriend, her surrender to God’s relentless pursuit, and the struggles and temptations she has faced on the journey of the renewal of her mind–aka, the same sanctification process we must all go through.

I especially loved the final chapter, “The Heterosexual Gospel”. It reminded me a lot of the thoughts in an article I wrote about a while ago. (What I’m Reading: “I Never Became Straight. Perhaps That Was Never God’s Goal.”)

“The ‘heterosexual gospel’ is one that encourages SSA men and women to come to Jesus so that they can be straight or that coming to Jesus ensures that they will be sexually attracted to the opposite sex…

“What could be implied from those who preach the ‘heterosexual gospel’ is that our sexuality is all that God cares about. I am convinced that this thinking has kept many SSA men and women from experiencing the beauty of true repentance…

“For the unbeliever that is SSA, God is not mainly calling them to be straight; He’s calling them to Himself. To know Christ, love Christ, serve Christ, honor Christ, and exalt Christ, forever.”

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry, chapter 17

To me, this is not mostly a book about sexuality. It’s a story of transformation, not from gay to straight, but from enemy of God to lover of God. It’s a story of the goodness of God and the radical, jealous love of Jesus that envelops, consumes, and reworks everything for His glory. Jackie celebrates Jesus in every syllable and loves Him in every line.

“In my becoming Holy as He is, I would not be miraculously made into a woman that didn’t like women; I’d be made into a woman that loved God more than anything.”

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry, chapter 8

As I read Gay Girl, Good God in the prayer room, I was swept up into the glory of what God has done in her life. In the afterward, Jackie said it was an act of worship to write this book, and it felt like an act of worship to read it.

You can pick up Gay Girl, Good God on Amazon.

 

What I’m Reading: "I Never Became Straight. Perhaps That Was Never God’s Goal."


Continuing my “What I’m Reading” series, here’s something that gripped my heart this week. Right on the heels of my blog on the beauty of Jesus posted last week, I read this article by Rachel Gilson that seemes to take my points and make them raw and relevant in a very difficult situation. In this article, entitled “I Never Became Straight. Perhaps That Was Never God’s Goal.”, Rachel shares very openly about her journey into lesbian relationships and her discovery of Jesus.

What I love about Rachel’s story is the way that falling in love with Jesus was what led her to choose to follow what the Bible has to say about sexuality. It only took a straightforward reading of the Bible for her to understand that God says homosexuality is wrong, but it was a much harder wrestle to understand why. Why should love be wrong, no matter who it’s between? How could the God who is love say no to that?

Even without having the answers, Rachel was falling in love with Jesus. And because of simple love for Him, she chose obedience before understanding.

“In the end, it came down to trust. I knew Jesus was worthy of trust, because he had made a greater sacrifice. He had left the bliss, the comfort, the joy of loving and being perfectly loved, to live a sorrowful life on earth. He took the pain and shame of a criminal’s death and suffered the Father’s rejection, all so I could be welcomed. Who could be more deserving of trust?

“The obedience of faith only works when it’s rooted in a person, not a rule. Imposed on its own, a rule invites us to sit in judgment, weighing its reasonableness. But a rule flowing from relationship smoothes the way for faithful obedience…

“We can’t say no to something good unless we’re saying yes to something even better.”

This is what the beauty of Jesus does. Becoming captivated by the beauty of Jesus allows us to trust and obey Him, even when we can’t understand why. Our faith is placed in a person, not a philosophy. We see His heart, His intrinsic goodness, humility, and love, and we cannot help but conclude that He is worthy of any sacrifice.

I believe that relationship with Jesus – real, vibrant, adoring, trusting relationship with Jesus – is the only hope for transformation in the LGBTQ+ community. “Because God said so” means nothing to someone who doesn’t know, love, and trust God. Externally imposed rules without relationship will only bring despair.

But the beauty of Jesus changes everything.

People like Rachel are my heroes – people who have chosen Jesus in the face of so many reasons not to. People who have chosen to take up their cross and follow Him, because of love.

“We can’t say no to something good unless we’re saying yes to something even better.”

Many of us will never be in Rachel’s exact situation, but we will certainly be called to do things that our flesh rebels at. The same questions that Rachel wrestled with will come for us.

Is God good?

Is He trustworthy?

Is He worth it?

If we are anchored in the beauty of Jesus, we will be empowered to say YES.