Tag: meditation

In Living We Die, In Dying We Live

On By CaitlynIn Bible Stuff

(One of my IHOPU classes, Basic Christian Beliefs, is giving the assignment of blogging on certain questions from the lessons every week. This week, I’m choosing the question “Why should Christians break bread together?”)

On the night before His death, Jesus acted out a picture of what He was about to do.

Don’t just read the verses. Enter into the quiet, sacred drama of the moment. Let it take your breath away.

“And when the hour came, he reclined at table, and the apostles with him. And he said to them, ‘I have earnestly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you I will not eat it until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God.’

“And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he said, ‘Take this, and divide it among yourselves. For I tell you that from now on I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.’

“And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.’

“And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, ‘This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.'”
(Luke 22:14-20)

This is one of the sacraments or ordinances that the Church has practiced together for generations. Jesus left us this tangible reenactment to keep His death fresh in our minds. When we come to the table, we come in humility, as a family of grace, each repenting of our sins and thanking Jesus again for His body and blood that were sacrificed for us.

This partaking of the bread and wine together is about many things, but at its core it is about embracing death in order to receive life. Consider this episode from earlier in Jesus’ ministry:

“So Jesus said to them, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like the bread the fathers ate, and died. Whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.’

“Jesus said these things in the synagogue, as he taught at Capernaum. When many of his disciples heard it, they said, ‘This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?’ …After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him.”
(John 6:53-60, 66)

This kind of talk is confusing and offensive! Jesus clearly wasn’t trying to “win friends and influence people” here. He was inviting people into the experience of embracing His death and making His death a part of them. He wants us so closely identified with His death that we are willing to “eat His flesh and drink His blood.” He wants His death entwined into our DNA.

Paul said that baptism represents the same reality.

“Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.”
(Romans 6:3-5)

Again, life and death and death and life, all wrapped up in each other. Ted Dekker explored this theme in his novel When Heaven Weeps. “The path to life runs through death… In living we die, in dying we live.”

Paul actually said that when we take the bread and the cup, we “proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.” (1 Corinthians 11:26) He was warning the believers in Corinth about taking the Lord’s supper lightly, as merely a chance to eat and drink, without showing concern for one another and without repenting. This is not church snack time. This is a holy reenactment of the most scandalous, tragic, glorious event in history. GOD DIED. He had a body and it was ripped to shreds while blood gushed out. He was mocked, beaten, nailed to a tree, and died in agony.

“Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”
(Matthew 26:27-28)

When we take communion or “break bread” together as a family, we are corporately reidentifying ourselves with the death of Christ. His blood cleanses us, His suffering heals us, and His death brings us to life.

How dare we ever for a moment forget.

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Rightly Do They Love You (Song of Songs 1:4 part 2)

On By CaitlynIn Bible Stuff

I haven’t blogged about Song of Songs since October, but I’ve still been reading and meditating on it, of course. And it is high time I continue my journey through it with all of you.

“We will exult and rejoice in you;”
(Song of Songs 1:4d)

The speakers here are the “others,” the daughters of Jerusalem, the community of believers. Of course, since the speaker attributions aren’t actually in the original text, different translations interpret who says what slightly differently at times. I think, though, that the content of what is said is in this case more important than who technically says it.

I love this rejoicing in Jesus. HE is our celebration. It’s not even rejoicing in his blessings; it’s just simply celebrating who he is, though of course who he is is expressed and displayed in what he does. But like lovers enjoy one another’s personalities and not only actions, so our purest worship and joy is centred solely on Jesus’ heart.

I will rejoice in you, in your character, in the very essence of your personality. I celebrate who you are–who you have always been, who you will always be.

“Yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.”
(Habakkuk 3:18)

“I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”
(Isaiah 61:10)

“We will extol your love more than wine; rightly do they love you.”
(Song of Songs 1:4e)

Here’s the wine motif again. And I love that word “extol.” To me, this sounds like “I can’t stop talking about your love, more than any other thing or pleasure.”

I extol a lot of stuff. A friend asked me yesterday what Doctor Who was all about, anyway. I talked for ten minutes, and I daresay she understood about half of what I said. I would have gone on longer if I hadn’t ought to get back to work. I love Doctor Who; give me half a chance and my praise of it just bubbles out.

But Jesus is the ultimate one worthy of our extolment. (Yes, that’s a word, I looked it up.) He is so, so worthy. Rightly do we love him. He actually deserves every ounce of adoration I could ever give and infinitely more. Not just because he’s God– many “gods” throughout mythology have proven themselves so unworthy of worship by their character alone. He deserves love because of his deep love. He is good, he is holy, he is so completely humble and sacrificial. This is the God who is worth extolling above everything else.

“We love because he first loved us.”
(1 John 4:19)

As a matter of fact, the New King James Version says, “We will remember your love more than wine.” The word translated either remember or extol is the Hebrew זכר, zakar, means “to mark (so as to be recognized), that is, to remember; by implication to mention” and is variously translated in the NASB as be mindful, boast, celebrate, mention, and remind. (Strong) It’s a public remembering, not only private, telling the story again and again so that everyone can honour the subject together.

And what is the story we tell? Why is it right and fitting for us to love him? What is the ultimate expression of his worth?

“And they sang a new song, saying, ‘Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth.'”
(Revelation 5:9-10)

He is worthy because of the love expressed on the cross. He didn’t stop short of that, but gave everything. That’s what we love him for.

“And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name.”
(Philippians 2:8-9)

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The Road Home: The Birth of a Dream

On By CaitlynIn IHOPKC Life3 Comments

Hi, all. So it’s been nearly two months since my last post… my bad. I’ve been back working at my outdoor science school in the mountains of SoCal for about six weeks now. I love being here. I work with some completely amazing people who inspire me every single day. It definitely does feel like being home, and I’ve loved discovering what God has in store for me during this season.

I know I’ve been mentioning going back to Kansas City in the near future. Yep, I am going back in August to start IHOPU, even though when I started OTI I had ZERO intention of that happening! Here’s the story of how that changed.

One Tuesday morning in the internship, we had a class on Joel and what it says about the role of the church in the period of history in which Jesus returns. (Hint: our main role is to PRAY.) At one point, our teacher asked us to name different verses about the end-time praying church. We shouted out references like Revelation 22:17, Isaiah 42, and Luke 18:6-8, and like a diligent student I scribbled them all down in my notes.

That night in the prayer room, at about 11:30 pm, I decided to get started on my assigned meditation for the week, which was Luke 18:6-8.

“And the Lord said, ‘Hear what the unrighteous judge says. And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?'”
(Luke 18:6-8)

I didn’t even realise that it had been on the list in class that morning, so I looked it up and thought, “Oh, the parable of the persistent widow– I know this story. Pray persistently, I get it, yada yada… I guess I ought to do it properly, though.” So I started journaling through the passage phrase by phrase like I always did on my meditation verses. The first few phrases were simple enough, and I thought it was cool that the verse highlighted “day and night” prayer just like IHOP is dedicated to, but then I started getting confused.

“‘Speedily’?” I thought. “Since when does God ever do anything speedily? Okay, this is just motivation to keep praying, because from God’s perspective it’s speedy, even though from our perspective justice may take forever to come.” And then I got to “when the Son of Man comes,” and got even more lost. I’d read this verse hundreds of times before, and never understood why Jesus made this sudden abrupt reference to his return.

Then I thought, Oh snap, this just became an end-times verse, and it suddenly all made sense. When God stirs his church up to pray day and night, it is because he IS planning to do something speedily. This is the faith that he’s looking for when he comes.

And it suddenly hit me that this verse had been on the board that morning. I frantically dug out my notes, and there it was– end-time praying church, Luke 18:6-8.

As soon as all that clicked, I realised in shock,

This is our story. This is MY story!

This verse is the very reason I am sitting in this room right now!

I still love the way God blinded me to the reality of this verse for YEARS when it was staring me right in the face until the time was right to blow my mind personally and lead me into my calling. I am wholeheartedly convinced that in one way or another I’ll be a part of the house of prayer/praying church/forerunner movement for the rest of my life.

My immediate reaction was along the lines of, “This is what’s happening! Jesus is REALLY coming back REALLY soon and the very fact that the Spirit is stirring us up with faith to pray day and night means that he’s coming SPEEDILY to bring justice to the earth and HOLY CRAP I’m right in the middle of it!!!!” I wrote in my journal that night, “He is looking for his faithful elect who will cry out day and night for the return of the Son of Man, the Righteous Judge.”

And the path that was instantly crystal clear to me was to come back to Cali, work at camp for a while, while keeping up with IHOPU online, and then return to start Year 2 in the fall. I’ve been figuring out some of the details, but I haven’t deviated from that plan since.

I’ll be working at camp till the beginning of June, then do a summer program called SEEP to catch up and be ready for IHOPU in the fall. SEEP runs June 17 – August 9 and I would (95% sure) do it online from Rancho. It’s a pretty intense program, especially since it includes 8 hours/week of required prayer room time. I’d probably do as many of those hours as possible at The Refuge, my local house of prayer. I’d love to also pick up a very small part-time job, possibly at the restaurant I used to work at. I could do SEEP in Kansas City, but I feel that doing it at home would allow me to 1) save two months of rent money! 2) get involved with an actual local church community again, probably The Refuge, 3) “test-drive” the lifestyle in a more “normal” environment, 4) get actual HOP experience outside of IHOPKC, and 5) spend more time with my family who hardly ever see me anymore.

At IHOPU I’ll be part of the Forerunner School of Ministry (FSM) and during years 3 and 4, if I stay that long, I’ll be on the house of prayer leadership track. Theoretically, after that I’ll go… somewhere… and plant a house of prayer.

So there are a lot of things that still aren’t perfectly worked out, but for the next few months at least I have my trajectory, and I am confident that this is what God is leading me into.

I would very much appreciate your prayers for the details to all work out, for financial provision (I may end up doing support letters this time, once I really get into IHOPU), and for me not to miss what God has for me in the here and now, even as I’m looking forward to the next season.

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Let Us Run (Song 1:4)

On By CaitlynIn Bible Stuff

This should have been posted yesterday, but I instead spent the afternoon reading Mortal by Ted Dekker and the evening reading The Host by Stephanie Meyer. I do not see any contradiction in this, nor am I ashamed of my use of time yesterday. Except that I neglected to post a blog. Boo me.

So back into the game–here’s another taste of my thoughts on the Song of Songs!

“Draw me after you;”
(Song of Songs 1:4a)

This verse is my absolute favourite of chapter one. I love the yearning in it, the longing for intimacy, partnership, adventure. Draw me after you, Jesus. Seduce me. Woo my heart.

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.”
(Hosea 2:14)

He draws me away into the secret place by revealing his beauty and whispering his love for me until my faze is completely captured and my heart is overwhelmed with love. All the world is so still there; nothing else exists. Everything else fades away and it’s just the two of us, gazing at each other, whispering tenderly to each other’s hearts. When he begins to open my eyes to who he is, who I am, and the glorious destiny he has planned for us together, every fear and doubt fades away and my only desire is to follow him forever.

“Let us run.”
(Song of Songs 1:4b)

Then comes the running. Let us run, Jesus. I want to run with you.

I picture Jesus taking my hand, winking at me, and whispering, “Run.” And then off we go, leaping over mountains together. Oh, the running. Seriously, there’s an outrageous amount of running involved.

Okay, Whovians, I know you know exactly where I’m going with this. Think of that first moment when the Doctor took Rose’s hand in the dark when she was about to be attacked. She had never seen him before, but in that moment he became her saviour. He said only one word: “Run.” And they ran together through all of time and space. For the Doctor and his companions, it’s always the running–to danger, from danger, always together, always running.

That’s me and Jesus.

What does running with Jesus actually look like on this planet? What sort of adventures are in Jesus’ heart? I think running with him is partnering with the passions of his heart. It’s Isaiah 61, for starters:

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.”
(Isaiah 61:1-3)

Running with Jesus means running to the battle, whether that’s in intercession, justice, evangelism, whatever. It’s all of these and more, maybe in the nations of the world, maybe in your corner grocery store. It’s bringing hope, freedom, joy, and beauty. It’s proclaiming the favour of the Lord, and also his righteous judgment. It’s seeing what he’s doing in the world around you, and acting with him to bring his Kingdom. There is a massively glorious partnership here. We do all of this with his hand in ours, having been drawn away in intimacy so that our heart beats in unison with his. We know his  voice and we move when he moves.

And then the most glorious phrase of all–

“The king has brought me into his chambers.”
(Song of Songs 1:4c)

The King of Kings, my King, has drawn me into the place of deepest intimacy. This is the place of encounter. This is the Holy of Holies.

I don’t even know how to write about this. A deep, warm silence falls on me every time I think of it.

The King has brought me into his chambers.

I’ll leave you with that, then. Go meditate. Ask the King to draw you away into the most secret places of his heart.

And then you’ve got an awful lot of running to do.

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Better Than Wine (Song 1:1-3)

On By CaitlynIn Bible Stuff

One thing IHOPKC is really big on is the Song of Solomon. That’s perfect for me, because I am too. It’s been my favourite book for years. I’ve savoured all of it, even though I’ve only understood pieces of it. It’s so great to finally get some good solid teaching on it verse by verse as a spiritual allegory. I’m just going to share the first little bit of the Song today, because there’s sooooo much good stuff but these first few verses are what I’ve spent the most time with.

The Song of Solomon, also called the Song of Songs (my preferred title), has two main ways to interpret it: the natural interpretation, which celebrates romantic love between a man and a woman leading to marriage, and the allegorical interpretation, which celebrates the love between Jesus and his Bride. This can certainly be taken for the Church as a whole, but it also works beautifully to see it as an individual journey between you and Jesus.

“The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s.”
(Song of Songs 1:1)

The best song ever, the ultimate. It’s like what we mean when we say “King of kings and Lord of lords.”

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!”
(Song of Songs 1:2a)

This is the woman, the Bride, speaking. Notice that she’s not talking to her beloved; the first sentence is to a third party. In the allegorical interpretation, that would be the Father. She is asking the Father to let Jesus kiss her. What does it mean to have Jesus kiss you with the kisses of his mouth? What proceeds from God’s mouth? It’s his Word. “…Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4) So really what she’s saying is this: “Father, let Jesus kiss me with the kisses of his Word!” She longs for that tender caress of hearing Jesus’ words spoken to her heart. (Insert all of Psalm 119 here.)
This has become one of my favourite things to pray. I long for that touch, that intimacy. And I love that it comes through his Word! Logos and rhema, Greek scholars– the written word and the word spoken by the Spirit to my heart. That’s where my life comes from.

“For your love is better than wine.”
(Song of Songs 1:2b)

The second part of verse two is spoken to Jesus. “Jesus, your love is better than wine.”  She’s declaring her priorities, and saying that more pleasure can be found in his love than in any other kind of pleasure available anywhere. Nothing can satisfy like his love can. We were given the capacity to experience love and pleasure because HE is the ultimate love and pleasure! Why do we run to so many other things when his love is better than all of it?

And it’s not just the sinful or even the neutral pleasures of this world, either. His love is even better than his blessings. He gives so many good things, but his raw LOVE is better than them all.

“You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound.”
(Psalm 4:7)
“…In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
(Psalm 16:11)
“Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!…”
(Psalm 34:8)

“Your anointing oils are fragrant”
(Song of Songs 1:3a)

Guys, what does Jesus smell like? What scents surround his throne? Can you even imagine? It must be so sweet, heavy, wild, intoxicating.

Paul talked about the “fragrance of the knowledge of [God.]” (2 Corinthians 2:14) I like that idea, but I also think it has to do with the fragrance of sacrifice. “…as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:2)

How do you release the fragrance from a plant? You crush it. “But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5) His crushing released the fragrance.

I want to take in Jesus’ wild, sweet fragrance. I want the scent of heaven to saturate me.

“Your name is oil poured out”
(Song of Songs 1:3b)

His name is the essence of his character; it encompasses all of who he is. He is like oil poured out… we can think of his name being poured out over all the nations, his fame spreading and his glory covering the earth. I like that, but continuing the sacrifice theme makes it more personal to me.

“And he said to them, ‘This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many.'”
(Mark 14:24)

Paul talked about being “poured out as a drink offering.” (Philippians 2:17; 2 Timothy 4:6) How much more was Jesus poured out for us? He poured out his blood like wine, like oil, flowing down that cross and covering us.

“Therefore virgins love you.”
(Song of Songs 1:3c)

“We love him because he first loved us.”
(1 John 4:19)

His love draws us in. His love seduces us. Even those who only know him a little bit, ie new believers, can’t help but love him. Our love is a response to the revelation of his love. You want to love Jesus more? Get a revelation of his love for you.

And I think I’ll stop there for today. I’ll save my favourite verse of chapter 1 for next time. 🙂

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Falling in Love with the Bible (and My First Forerunner Rant)

On By CaitlynIn IHOPKC Life1 Comment

God’s been doing a lot of really good things with me since I last blogged. I feel like testimonies are being built that I will share later, but they’re still “cooking” right now. Suffice it to say that I’m very excited to see how God’s going to glorify himself in me.

In the meantime, I’m still reading ten chapters a day (six days a week), and am halfway through Colossians right now. I feel like the whole Word is coming alive in a way it never has before. I’m underlining and highlighting just about every other verse and feeling a little silly for doing so, but it’s all so good! I know that’s a “duh,” but for most of my life, it’s just been a “duh” because I know it should be a “duh.” When I get to the point where I want to read the Gospels over and over just because I love to listen to him laugh, catch the flash in his eyes, hear the alternating passion, joy, amusement, sarcasm, and sorrow in his voice, I know I’ve finally come into something precious. I’m not even talking about encountering the present-tense Spirit of Jesus speaking directly to me in the secret place. I’m talking about being as moved by the Gospels as I am by the Circle and being completely swept up into that world to feel right there with the characters. This is unprecedented for me.

And then, as sorry I was to finish with the Gospels and get into Acts, I quickly discovered that watching Holy Spirit partner with the early apostles is every bit as fun as watching Jesus screw with the disciples’ minds. And then I got into the epistles and quickly became a big fan of Paul. Friends of mine for years have called Paul their favourite writer or teacher, but I never really got it until the past week or so. Dang, the guy’s good. He dives headfirst into really complicated questions and lays them all out, all while exuding this overriding passion for the cross of Christ and the living hope of the resurrection that it’s given us.

The resurrection. There’s another thing. IHOP’s been giving me a lot of theology, mostly about the end times, that I’ve never really studied before, but as I listen to the teaching and immediately go into the prayer room to study it out for myself, it’s right there all over the place. Perhaps I’ll write some blogs later about the Bridegroom paradigm and how that’s revealed all over Scripture and why it’s absolutely crucial for the last generation, and about how the final revival and tribulation is going to go down, and why we need to start talking about and understanding the Millennial kingdom and our eternal rewards—guys, this isn’t a fairy tale, and it’s not just abstract theology that’s fun to debate. It is really happening, and it’s going down much, much sooner than most people realise, and there is a vital importance to being ready for it. I’m not just talking about the final three and a half years of the Tribulation. I’m talking about what God is revealing to the church now, in this hour. This isn’t just IHOP being IHOP, I promise, because even a month ago I was rather skeptical myself. But now I’m being awakened to it, and I have concluded that I don’t want to be part of “the rest” that in the very last days will have to figure all this out as it’s happening. I want to ride the crest of the wave at the forefront, and I want help the rest of the church get captured by this thing so that we can be ready to partner with Jesus when the tables start turning instead of being offended by a Warrior King that we don’t understand is really a Bridegroom.

Well, there’s the tip of the iceberg of my forerunner spiel. I’ll save the rest of that for a time when I can be much more organised about it.

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