What I’m Reading: Gay Girl, Good God

On February 6, 2019February 19, 2022 By CaitlynIn What I'm Reading

(Full disclosure: I love to recommend resources to help you in your journey, and when I do I use Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase something through my links, I may receive a small commission. But if there’s a resource you want, I encourage you to get it wherever works best for you!)

I’ve been following Jackie Hill Perry on social media (Twitter, Instagram) for about a year and have fallen in love with her boldness, zeal for holiness, awe at the gospel, and all-consuming love for Jesus. She’s a rapper and spoken word artist (her album Crescendo came out last year and is straight FIRE) as well as an author and speaker.

Part of her testimony is that she used to identify as a lesbian and pursue same-sex relationships. I’ve heard pieces of her story before in various videos, and she has earned my respect enough that I was eager to pick up her first book, Gay Girl, Good God. (I actually put it on my Christmas list and then broke down and bought it on Kindle early!)

In addition to my respect for Jackie, I knew I needed to read this because I have LGBTQ-identifying friends, both those who call themselves Christian and those who do not, and I also have SSA (Same-Sex Attracted) Christian friends who love Jesus and are saying no to that aspect of their sexuality. Plus, I know that there will be a time when the issue becomes even more personal. When will a family member come out as gay? When will I find myself discipling a new believer wrestling with SSA or gender identity? I can’t avoid this. I need to be listening to the stories of those who have lived those experiences and come out making Jesus supreme over their temptations, with a fierce love for Him and a robust theology of gender, sexuality, and most importantly, the simple gospel. This book is all of that and more.

The first thing I was struck by is how dang poetic this book was. Clearly, Jackie’s wordsmithery and penchant for descriptors that captivate the imagination aren’t confined to performance poetry. 50 pages in, I texted a friend that it was probably the most the most poetic non-fiction book I had ever read. (The style reminded me a bit of Tosca Lee’s Havah, easily the most poetic fiction I have ever read.) I also loved the frequent quotations of C. S. Lewis. Never a bad choice.

“Who I was made more sense when I was with him. He was a different mirror. With him, I could see where I’d gotten things my mama didn’t own. I enjoyed every minute with this inconsistent relative I called ‘Daddy,’ until he started using words that I didn’t believe belonged to him, like, ‘I love you.’ That sentence was too big to fit in his mouth.”

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry, chapter 4

Jackie is transparently honest about her history of hurt from men, her early discovery of her same-sex attraction, her love for her girlfriend, her surrender to God’s relentless pursuit, and the struggles and temptations she has faced on the journey of the renewal of her mind–aka, the same sanctification process we must all go through.

I especially loved the final chapter, “The Heterosexual Gospel”. It reminded me a lot of the thoughts in an article I wrote about a while ago. (What I’m Reading: “I Never Became Straight. Perhaps That Was Never God’s Goal.”)

“The ‘heterosexual gospel’ is one that encourages SSA men and women to come to Jesus so that they can be straight or that coming to Jesus ensures that they will be sexually attracted to the opposite sex…

“What could be implied from those who preach the ‘heterosexual gospel’ is that our sexuality is all that God cares about. I am convinced that this thinking has kept many SSA men and women from experiencing the beauty of true repentance…

“For the unbeliever that is SSA, God is not mainly calling them to be straight; He’s calling them to Himself. To know Christ, love Christ, serve Christ, honor Christ, and exalt Christ, forever.”

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry, chapter 17

To me, this is not mostly a book about sexuality. It’s a story of transformation, not from gay to straight, but from enemy of God to lover of God. It’s a story of the goodness of God and the radical, jealous love of Jesus that envelops, consumes, and reworks everything for His glory. Jackie celebrates Jesus in every syllable and loves Him in every line.

“In my becoming Holy as He is, I would not be miraculously made into a woman that didn’t like women; I’d be made into a woman that loved God more than anything.”

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry, chapter 8

As I read Gay Girl, Good God in the prayer room, I was swept up into the glory of what God has done in her life. In the afterward, Jackie said it was an act of worship to write this book, and it felt like an act of worship to read it.

You can pick up Gay Girl, Good God on Amazon.

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Testimony: My Sister Got HEALED of Scoliosis!

On July 27, 2018January 6, 2019 By CaitlynIn Ministry Life6 Comments

This past week, my sister Elise came to visit me at The Prayer Room for a few days. We had a great time in the prayer room together, going to small group and Encounter service, treasure hunting through Texas Thrift, making the world’s best and simplest marinated chicken, and even visiting the Fort Worth Water Gardens and Sundance Square.

Best of all, Elise got a few very special testimonies! On Wednesday night at a small group, she received a prophetic word that was partly related to her ministry being tied to kids, that they would be drawn to her like to the Pied Piper. The next day, two little girls in a store bathroom struck up a conversation with her through the stall door and created an open door for Elise to minister to their mom. It was such a fun confirmation!

The next day Elise asked Jeremy, the TPR leader who had given her the word the night before, to pray for her back. Her spine had been curved slightly to the left for years, was very sensitive to touch, and had been informally diagnosed with mild scoliosis. Related to that, when she sat with her knees pulled up in front of her, her right knee was noticeably higher. Jeremy and I prayed for healing, and Jeremy actually felt the muscles rippling and moving under his hand even as Elise swore she wasn’t budging. She asked me to press on her back to test it out because previously even the slightest touch would cause pain. I then gave her her first painless back massage in close to ten years! When she sat down to test the alignment of her knees, they were completely level and even! We’re all so amazed at what Jesus has done for her!

Check out the video below or click HERE to watch it on Youtube (click CC to view captions).

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Prophetic Testimonies from TPR

On April 8, 2018January 6, 2019 By CaitlynIn Ministry Life

It’s been a fun month for prophetic testimonies!! I’ve personally had four or five separate occasions the past few weeks of people giving me prophetic words out of the blue when I was least expecting it, and that’s not normal for me. (Yes, they were very encouraging and several of them were about the same thing!)

We’ve reached the point in our School of Supernatural Ministry semester that our students are ministering not only to each other but to staff and visitors as well. Two weeks ago, four students served 15 visitors through prophetic ministry. Some of these visitors had never even been to The Prayer Room before. They were deeply blessed to encounter the heart of God through the words of our students.

A couple came in with their son, who had a developmental disability. One student felt led to ask him, “What’s your favourite fish?” and said he saw Jesus grilling up some fish for him. It turns out, he was on a special diet and could only eat fish! The family was touched to be so known by God.

Another couple came in with a specific question on their hearts regarding a property decision. A student gave them a word about a property that was exactly what they needed to hear and brought so much peace and clarity about the situation!

Two students who were partnered together for the ministry time experienced a great flow of team ministry. Over and over, God gave one girl a picture and the other girl the interpretation. So many people were blessed by God using them both together!

My favourite recent SSM testimony was the student who came up to me outside of class and told me that she had encountered a woman who needed help with her car. She was nervous, but she obeyed the nudge of the Holy Spirit and asked the woman if she could help her, and then if she could pray for her! This is what it’s all about. We want students to encounter God in a way that it breaks the hold of fear and affects the way they live as powerful witnesses of Christ everywhere they go!

Prophetic Equipping Workshop – 65 attended!

On March 31, we did a Prophetic Equipping Workshop in place of our normal Encounter service. We had around 20 visitors on top of our usual crowd, and some of them were completely new to TPR. Andy and Jeremy taught on how to hear the voice of God and share it with others, and then everyone in the room gathered into groups of three or four and practiced prophesying over each other. My favorite stories were the people who came in skeptical, and were blown away that God would actually speak clearly to and through them!

One of our staff members brought her parents. She had been telling them for months about things that God was doing and how she was hearing His voice, but they didn’t really know how to take it seriously. When they came to our training night and started seeing accurate prophetic ministry in action, they were amazed. An SSM student gave the mom a prophetic word about yellow roses, and come to find out, she had actually been planting yellow roses just that morning!

Another young man who was not a believer came with a friend, and he actually heard the voice of God for himself for the first time! I don’t know what his history with God is, but he now knows experientially that God is real and wants a relationship with him.

The teaching from that night is available to stream or download on TPR’s Recent Messages page.

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SSM Testimonies – Healed Achilles Tendon!

On March 18, 2018January 11, 2019 By CaitlynIn Ministry Life

We’ve completed the first half of our School of Supernatural Ministry! Our six students (yes, we lost another since my last update) have been really pressing in to hear the voice of God and to minister to each other. We’ve done several activations which involve asking God for His thoughts for each other. I’ve been so proud of their tenderness and boldness!

Earlier this month, John, one of my students who is also a fellow staff member, shared a testimony at Encounter service: “Every time I’ve walked away from the teachings I get convicted; there’s a new holy ache and burden that my voice matters, this is important… And after that, we have a ministry time, and it’s been very fruitful for me and worth it—getting to hear the Lord’s heart over me, strengthening my spirit, giving me confidence. I look forward to every class to get re-amped… it’s empowering me and I feel it throughout the week.”

The first six weeks, our Thursday night sessions were focussed on ministry training. From here on out, we will be doing “real” ministry on Thursday nights! Last week, we started slowly by prophesying over each other. Everyone received several accurate words which built on each other, and everyone was encouraged!

On Saturday, we prayed for a student’s ankle. Her Achilles tendon was in a lot of pain due to a recurring injury that had been going on for almost a year and she had been really struggling in believing that God would heal it. She hadn’t been able to walk that morning. The pain dropped as we prayed, and by the next day, her ankle had no more pain at all! Praise the Lord!

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Summer Fun and a Testimony!!

On July 22, 2017January 6, 2019 By CaitlynIn Ministry Life

July has been a fun month for me. I spent Independence Day at a pool party/BBQ with several families with young kids. One Saturday several of us went on our annual TPR Community Trip. We took a day trip down to the Austin area to go tubing on the San Marcos River, swim in a natural water hole called Blue Hole, and get pizza and coffee in the city. The river was GORGEOUS with perfect 90 degree weather!

The next day I spent my 27^th birthday section leading (managing/overseeing) the prayer room from 5am-11am, then finished the day with church and teacher equipping group. Three Sundays out of the month, all of the teaching staff at The Prayer Room get together at Brad’s house to study and discuss certain topics so that we can get more clarity and grounding for future teachings. So even though my birthday itself wasn’t extravagantly commemorated, I loved spending it with close friends at the prayer room and at church, and felt very much loved and celebrated.

TESTIMONY TIME!!

Last week, Joshua, one of our interns/worship leaders/staff members, shared this incredible testimony (he’s from Yorkshire, so enjoy the British-isms!).

During my worship set tonight God gave me prophecy about a lad who came in. God began to break things off of him… He had once said a prayer, then lived a life contrary to his words… He felt a need to come to a house of prayer…

Afterwards we spoke and… he said he could feel presence of God. I had several words of knowledge about his life and God gave me the number of his birthday.
He repented and renounced several things and right there he gave his life to Jesus! Confessed about having cigarettes, which Holy Spirit had already showed me he had…

Went to his vehicle to get them and threw them in skip outside TPR. Asked him about following his commitment with baptism to which he adamantly wanted to do. Went to Lincoln Square fountain that we have used before for baptisms. He went under, joined with Jesus’ death and raised to new life speaking in new tongues! Praise You and thank You, Jesus!

New Rapid Fire Prayer Topic

At the end of every set, everyone in the room lines up at the mic to pray short “rapid fire” prayers on a certain topic, usually related to something happening within the ministry. The past few weeks, as I shared before, our topic was for finances for a new A/C for our upstairs preschool room. That process has progressed, and WE GOT THE MONEY WE NEEDED, PRAISE GOD! Now, our topic is:

Praying for the workers we are hiring to fix the upstairs A/C units to be able to make the needed repairs for a reasonable amount and to get them up and running quickly.

We need inexpensive, clever solutions and discounts on units that won’t fall apart. Please pray with us for wisdom and favor as we get these units installed!

God, thank you for Your provision! Please finish what You started, have Your hand on the workers, and give us favor in the repair/installation process!

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Revive Texas Is Underway!

On April 25, 2017January 6, 2019 By CaitlynIn Ministry Life

We’re now officially on day 11 of Revive Texas since we launched with an evening rally on Sunday, April 16. Monday through Saturday, people from 340+ churches, plus lots of Time to Revive’s own staff and missionaries, have been going out in teams of four to share the gospel across DFW.

The strategy is simple: LOVE, LISTEN, DISCERN, RESPOND. We approach someone, start a friendly conversation, and ask, “How can I pray for you today?” We pray for them briefly and respectfully, and then ask if we can give them a gift as a reminder of our meeting. We give them a wristband with five colours on it, each with a different verse reference. We then ask if we can share with them what the colours mean, and we pull out a Bible with matching coloured tabs. Verse by verse, we walk them through the foundational truths of the gospel, allowing plenty of time for them to express their reactions. We then ask if anything is holding them back from giving authority of their life completely over to Christ – and many decide to surrender right then and there! Within 24 hours, we get them connected to a disciple-maker who can commit to lead them through a Bible study and walk with them on their journey.

Check out THIS VIDEO on how we walk someone through the Gospel!

I never thought something so simple (and maybe kinda cheesy) chould be so effective. God is teaching me all over again the power of the simple gospel, and how it’s not about my wise and persuasive words, but about His power. (1 Cor 2:4). We’ve been plowing the ground in prayer for years, the church is coming together in humility and unity, and the harvest is RIPE.

So far, I’ve gone out with teams on three outreach sessions. I haven’t seen anyone saved yet, but I’ve gotten to pray with and bless a lot of people, many of them believers in need of a touch from God. I have shared the gospel a couple times, though, and I’m looking forward to the day soon when I see the fruit of salvation in front of my own eyes!

This week, we also have 26 IHOPU students here on a ministry trip. It’s been so much fun to see old friends and make new friends! They have been such a strength to us, both in the prayer room and on outreach. God is giving them amazing testimonies to take back to Kansas City!

One of the testimonies from the IHOPU team! The girl in the middle just got SAVED!

Some of my favourite testimonies so far:

A team was in a grocery store with a Bible in their back pocket. A Pakistani Muslim man approached them and asked, “Is that a Bible? Can you explain it to me?” He is now signed up to be discipled!
A team shared the gospel with a high school football team of 130 people. 110 of them said YES to Christ!
A prison inmate received a newsletter about Revive Texas. He decided to do his own “Revive Texas” inside the prison, and 50 other inmates committed to join him. They share the gospel out of their own Bibles in the prison rec yard every day!
A team shared the gospel with customers at a Sonic, and 10 of them got saved!

In the first week alone, Revive Texas sent out 755 teams comprised of 2,990 individuals resulting in 310 people who want follow up and 134 souls added to the Kingdom. Additionally, teams that were invited to special assignments such as jails, juvenile detention centers, schools, and businesses saw 415 more people come to know the Lord! We even have a mobile baptismal truck that teams have been using to baptise people immediately after they get saved!

Crazy things are happening. There are SO many stories to share, I can’t possibly fit them all. I encourage you to take some to watch some videos on ReviveTX.org and the ReviveTX Facebook page. There’s nothing in the world like watching someone light up when they believe the Truth for the first time.

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Testimony Thursday: Praying for Muslims at Disneyland

On August 25, 2016January 5, 2019 By CaitlynIn Ministry Life6 Comments

(Posted a little bit belated on Friday because I had to get Taylor’s permission to publish this first.)

Last week, I made plans to meet up with a friend of mine at Disneyland. This was a very special meeting because Taylor and I had never met in person, but we had been good friends through Facebook for years, and he was going to be in town with his family as a last hoorah before he started college. I only live about 50 minutes away, so we planned to hang out at Downtown Disney for just a couple hours (since I don’t have an annual pass and I already had an evening commitment). We were both super excited.

That morning, he texted me to ask if I believe in praying for healing. Um, YES!! I assumed he was just doing some study or something on it, and texted back two long paragraphs of theology explaining why I believe this can and should be a normal practice for Christians.

Then he texted back– and nope, turns out he wanted to actually go DO it that day!
We agreed to both spend some time asking God who He had in store for us to meet that day, and we both wrote down several “clues” that we sensed that would hopefully lead us to certain people God was highlighting. One of Taylor’s was “white hat,” and one of mine was “little girl in a Minnie Mouse dress”. We also decided that anyone with evidence of injury was fair game too.

We knew our number one goal was simply to create an opportunity for God to touch people with His love. We weren’t there to pressure anyone; we just wanted to pray, bless, love, and invite God to move.

I was so proud of Taylor. He stepped out with so much boldness and gentleness, and we prayed for a lot of people with canes, etc. We didn’t see anyone get dramatically healed, but everyone we prayed for seemed genuinely grateful, and we believe that God is still moving in their lives and bodies!

Sure enough, Taylor found his white hat! It was worn by a woman coming out of a shop with her husband and kids. We asked if we could pray for her, and she was enthusiastically receptive and her husband even laid his hand on her along with us and agreed out loud with our prayer as I gave her a word I was feeling for her out of John 12:24.

We also met a man who was a deacon at his church and was about to have surgery. We both prayed for healing and he was really touched. Seeing his faith and joy really blessed us too!

I spent most of the afternoon looking for my Minnie Mouse dress. I even went in and out of several kids’ stores. I saw several teenage girls with Minnie ears or t-shirts, but I knew I was looking for a very small girl with short dark hair and a full Minnie Mouse dress.

Finally, I saw her, almost exactly as I had pictured her that morning. She was with a woman wearing a long dress and a hijab, walking toward the security checkpoint.
To be honest, the prospect of approaching a Muslim and asking if I could pray for her in the name of Jesus kind of freaked me out. I’ve only ever done something like that once before. I didn’t know if there would be a language barrier or if she would be receptive.

“She’s going in the gate. I don’t have a pass,” I told Taylor, with some mixture of disappointment and relief.

“She’s only going through security right now. You can go there without a pass,” Taylor pointed out.

Crap, he’s right.

I probably wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t with Taylor, but with his encouragement I followed her and the mini Minnie through the security line, pausing to chat with and pray for the cast member.

Dangit/good, they’re still in range.

By this time, the woman had joined a larger family, all very definitely Muslim.
I started marching after them, muttering something like “Frick, really, Jesus? Of all the…. Taylor, I have no plan, I HAVE NO PLAN okay come on Jesus…”

I knew I could claim their attention for only a brief minute before they entered the gates of the Happiest Place on Earth, so I got the attention of the woman I had first seen and tried to explain that I had been praying that morning and God had shown me her little girl and I’d been looking for her all day. I showed them the list of clues I had written on my phone earlier and asked to pray for them.

“Yes, of course, we pray all the time, you can pray anytime!” the woman responded.

“Yes! May I pray for you right now?” I asked.

“Uh, how will you pray?” she asked. By this time I had the entire family’s attention.

“I’m a Christian, and I will pray in the name of Jesus,” I responded with more strength in my voice than I felt.

They paused a moment, but agreed to let me pray. I asked if they had any specific needs, and they requested prayers for good health for the family.

So I prayed for health, and blessing, and revelation of Jesus, and for the love of God to touch their hearts. They walked away with smiles and gratitude. I walked away feeling glad I had obeyed and done what God had laid before me, but wondering if our prayers had made a difference at all to them.

My mom later told me a story of a Muslim who reported that after years of living in the US, she’d never experienced an American’s hospitality, and conflating America and Christianity, before being saved she had never imagined Jesus reaching out to her. I was encouraged that maybe my short, weak, awkward prayer stirred up a little bit of curiosity about the Jesus who would show an American girl a Minnie Mouse dress and send her to pray blessings over a Muslim family.

Overall, I call this day a success. Taylor and I didn’t see the miracles we imagined, but we did get to bless and pray for many people and plant seeds of grace in their lives. We got to encourage each other and stir up our faith. We got to practice a lifestyle that we both want to walk in more– not just the healing, but of seeing the people around us through God’s eyes, and saying “yes” when He asks us to move.

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Don’t Waste It!

On August 14, 2016January 5, 2019 By CaitlynIn Just Thoughts2 Comments

“Ten thousand Americans turn 70 every day… Billions of dollars are spent every year trying to get us to waste the last chapter of our lives on leisure. I’m spending one afternoon to plead with the rising seventy-somethings: Don’t waste it.”
–John Piper, “Hilary, Bernie, Donald, and Me”

I read this article recently when it came across my Facebook newsfeed as a post from the Desiring God page. John Piper, as he frequently does, was enthusing at length about the incredible opportunity the 65+ crowd has to serve the Kingdom of God with “maximum zeal” in their retirement years. His argument is simple, and it applies to believers of every age: Why should we waste God-given opportunities for passionate, radical, sacrificial living for the Kingdom and instead settle for the cheap comforts of this world?

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with vacations, days off, and the occasional Netflix binge. But if that becomes the primary way we spend our free time, we’re in trouble.

I’d like to introduce you to my Grandpa Rey. There’s a lot I could say about what he’s meant to my family over the years, but for the sake of this blog post I’d like to focus on something very recent. This was posted on Facebook by the youth pastor at his church.
grandpa rey fb 2
Grandpa Rey’s wife, my Grandma Jean, passed away this March. Grandpa Rey had been spending nearly all his time taking care of her, but when she went home to Jesus and he suddenly had more free time, he almost immediately began serving in the youth group at his church. During the evening youth services, he sits in the back of the room and prays for the students, and afterward many of them come to him seeking wisdom, prayer, and hugs.

My grandpa loves Jesus, loves the Word, fellowships with the Holy Spirit, believes in revival, and puts it all into action by praying for and loving the people in front of him– in fact, he seeks out people to pray for and love. God is using him at age 79 to powerfully touch young people, which wouldn’t be happening if he hadn’t chosen to sow his time into the Kingdom– time which many others in his position would have chosen to spend on themselves.

I talked on the phone with him last night, and he shared with me a story of a crisis that one of the students experienced, which resulted in dozens of church members gathered at the hospital praying and worshipping. Several people got healed and 15 people got saved!! What a testimony! I’m so excited that my grandpa got to be part of such a move of God!

It’s easy for me to brag on my grandpa, but that isn’t actually why I’m writing this. I wanted to share his story because I’m provoked by him, and by John Piper and dozens of others, to make good use of the days I’m given. I’m several decades away from potential retirement, but right now, I am kind of “retired” from college. I’m still working part-time and preparing for my transition to ministry in Dallas, but I have a lot more free time now than I did even six months ago. (Plus, I’m not married and I don’t have kids, so I have the 1 Corinthians 7:34 thing going for me!)

I’ve been entrusted with these hours, these days. How am I spending them?

I’m not saying we all need to jump and go sign up for ministries at church, but I am encouraging us to check our hearts and motivations. When God gives us the great stewardship of Time, do we rush to spend it on our own flesh without a second thought, or do we consider how our time can be sown into something of eternal value?

The stakes are high. Time is short. Let’s not waste it.

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”
(Ephesians 5:15-16)

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IHOPU Graduation: Looking Back on Four Years

On May 22, 2016February 10, 2024 By CaitlynIn IHOPKC Life4 Comments

(Keep scrolling and then keep scrolling some more, because I’ve got a lot of pictures for you today!)

I’ve finally graduated from college for the second time… but this time feels far more significant than when I got my bachelor’s from APU in 2010. At IHOPU, I have received invaluable teaching and discipleship in an environment saturated with prayer, worship, and the Word. I’ve caught a vision for what God is doing in raising up a global prayer and worship movement in our generation. I’ve gained a family passionately devoted to the fame of Jesus being spread throughout the earth. I’ve been equipped to teach, lead, prophesy, pray, sing, and serve. Most importantly, I’ve encountered a God who is stunningly incredible in every way, who is 100% committed to me and really likes me, and who actually does stuff when I talk to Him.

Last weekend, I walked across a stage with 82 other four-year graduates. My parents flew out from California to see me, and a few local friends came to the ceremony as well.

Graduating from IHOPU feels bittersweet. I did what I set out to do and I know that my season here is done, and I really feel like I got good fellowship and closure in the final days, but I will miss this place and these people greatly.

Receiving my diploma from Allen Hood, president of IHOPU

20160514_151632 2 — My parents flew all the way from California to see me!

20160514_114421 2 — Abigail, my roommate and dear friend

In my small group during my last week, my leaders asked us each to summarise what God was teaching us during that past season. As I think back over the four years I’ve been in IHOPU, I can identify separate banners over each year.

Freshman year: VISION

During my freshman year, I started as an intern in the One Thing Internship. Not only did I grow in prayer and intimacy with Jesus, but the entire rhythm and focus of my life shifted. I blogged about this vision that was growing within me several times (HERE and HERE, for starters), and concluded that season with a conviction that God really is raising up a global movement of 24/7 prayer and worship in our generation, because the darkness is getting darker but the return of Jesus is right around the corner, and He WILL have a bride made ready.

Sophomore year: GRACE.

Now that I had a brand new idea of what my life was supposed to look like, I struggled to live up to it. I really wanted to pursue Jesus with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength with undistracted focus, but I was constantly in cycles of condemnation feeling like I was failing. I still don’t know if I’ve found a good balance, but I have a lot more peace now than I did then. I had to keep relearning grace every week.

Junior year: HEALING

After experiencing a heartbreak the week before school started, I had to walk through a LOT of healing that year. (Find my blogs reflecting on that season HERE and HERE.) It was a time of shattered emotions and many, many tears, but I encountered the tender heart of the Father who lets me just cry in His lap when I can’t even muster the energy to pray. I learned to love Him more as I fought to trust Him every day. It hurt like hell, but there was such a tender nearness during that time–and there did finally come a progressive breakthrough into freedom and joy. I am wiser, stronger, and more open-hearted because of the events of that year, I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything.

Senior year: LEADERSHIP

In between my Dallas externship and College Station ministry trip (read about those HERE and HERE), I feel like this year has been about taking ownership of what I’ve learned and stepping up to do something with it. God has grown a lot of confidence in me this year, and I’ve come to realise that even though I have so much more to discover and grow in, I actually have internalised a lot and I have something to offer in ministry. I really can preach and pray and prophesy and lead worship. I really can rally, envision, and organise a team. God called me into this thing, and He’s already given me enough tools to take a few steps and get going.

In my final few weeks, I’ve thought a lot about the vision God planted in me during my first year. I really do believe it. I believe that God’s deepest desire is a restoration of perfect intimacy with us, and 24/7 prayer and worship that reflects the reality of heaven is a key part of how we’re going to get there. I believe that in this final era of history, God is raising up a new song of night and day worship and intercession for justice from the Church as His lovesick bride in every corner of the earth, and He will use this global worship movement to usher in the return of Jesus and the restoration of creation.

It’s a big vision, but I’m fully bought in.

So what’s next? I’ll be home in California for the rest of the year, preparing to launch into full-time ministry at The Prayer Room in January 2017 (read more about that HERE). I plan to be there indefinitely, which doesn’t necessarily mean forever, but no matter what comes next, I know God is writing my story and more importantly, He’s writing me into His story.

Every time I look back and remember how God has led me, I melt in awe and gratitude. He’s been so, so good to me.

Catch me up in Your story
All my life for Your glory
–“All Is For Your Glory” by Lisa Gotshall

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The Call: Azusa Now

On April 30, 2016February 10, 2024 By CaitlynIn IHOPKC Life2 Comments

Earlier this month, I boarded a bus in Kansas City with 100 other IHOPU students (well, we had two buses) and drove 32 hours straight to Los Angeles, CA to participate in The Call: Azusa Now on April 9, and then re-boarded the bus again the next morning to drive 32 hours straight back to Kansas City. Talk about a whirlwind weekend!

Azusa Now is a massive prayer gathering organised by Lou Engle to rally this generation to cry out for revival like the Azusa Street revival of 1906. This was my first experience at one of The Call events, and I was blown away by the power and presence of God.

Racial reconciliation and church unity was a huge theme. Leaders from Native American, Hispanic, African American, Messianic, and Catholic communities were onstage publicly honouring each other and repenting for lack of unity.
Bethel, IHOPKC, Circuit Riders, and many others led worship.
So many leaders in the church and missions were on stage with Lou Engle – Heidi Baker, Bill Johnson, Loren Cunningham, Daniel Kolenda, Todd White, and many more, including my very own home pastor Danny Carroll from Water of Life!!
Gloria Engle and Andy Byrd both gave powerful calls to say “yes” to the call for missions.
People stood up from wheelchairs, hearing loss was restored, brain cancer was healed, and much more!
Shawn Bolz called out accurate prophetic words of knowledge from the stage to specific people in the stadium. Watch the video HERE.

We were all so stirred up on the way home. Tired as we were, we still evangelised at every gas station and held impromptu Bible studies, worship sessions, and prophetic ministry to each other in our vans. We touched God’s desire to sweep this nation with revival, and we actually started to believe it was possible.

Beyond the public move of God that we all experienced that day, the event touched me very personally. Some of these leaders and ministry styles were ones I first connected with years before I came to Kansas City, in my early days of learning to move with the Holy Spirit. I even got to see some of the California friends and leaders in my life who used to run with me in those days. In that stadium, I found myself stirred again to embrace a lifestyle of prayer for revival along with boldness in healing, prophecy, and evangelism. That passion is a precious gift that I cannot afford to let fade.

The first 12 hours of the 15 hour event are available to watch on Youtube if you missed the live stream: