Five years ago, I wrote a letter to myself one year ago. It was so much fun to look back on all the ways I had grown in that one year. At the turn of the decade, here in the beginning of 2020, I’ve been thinking about 2010 Caitlyn and what she would think to get a letter from the future.

Dear Caitlyn…

Hello from 2020! I know that sounds like the vastly distant future, but I promise the time will pass more quickly than you expect.

So, for you it’s 2010. You’re 19 years old and a senior at Azusa Pacific University. You’re studying theater, making plans for a career in TV and film, but you’re also developing an itch you can’t quite put your finger on.

I guess this letter is going to be full of spoilers, so are you ready for a big one?

You’re not going to go into an acting career at all.

You’ll still be so glad you went to APU; it was an important time of growth, expanding your horizons, and learning to put yourself in another person’s shoes. It wasn’t a waste of time (and guess what– your student loans are all paid off!).

When you look back, you’ll mostly remember the long hours in the campus prayer chapel. All those early mornings, all four years, reading Isaiah and the gospels, worshipping with Kim Walker and Misty Edwards cds on your knockoff iPod, reading and rereading that Lou Engle book that someone left, interceding on your face for revival at APU, that one time you danced to Holy by Matt Gilman until you couldn’t breathe…

You already know that those hours are precious. God is doing something deep in you, teaching you how to be like Mary of Bethany, like He called you to be when you were 16. You’re learning what it really looks like to waste your life poured out in prayer and worship at His feet. Ultimately, it’s the Mary dream that will draw you away from acting. And that’s okay.

Would you believe me if I told you that Mary of Bethany is only the very tip of the iceberg?

Around this time you wrote in your journal (I think it was last Christmas break):

I’m just a little girl with big eyes waiting for my revolution.

There’s so much hope and yearning in that phrase. You’re feeling so young and idealistic, itching to do something crazy and counter-cultural, tear down the white picket fence, find the bigger purpose you were born for.

Guess what, little girl–not too many years from now, you’re going to find your revolution. And it’s called the end time prayer movement.

That desire to be Mary will carry you to Kansas City. I know you’ve heard of IHOPKC, but you have no idea the depth of the impact that place will have on you. When you finally follow your heart to the 24/7 prayer room, you will find not only the joy of deeper intimacy with Jesus, but an entire storyline that will captivate your imagination and burn a conviction on your soul.

Remember reading the Left Behind series in high school? Remember wishing you could get temporarily un-saved so you could miss the rapture and be here for the tribulation? (Welp, you’re actually a post-tribber now, so I guess that worked out!) Remember the day the last book came out and you stood in the aisle of the Christian bookstore flipping through the chapters, hands trembling, heart pounding, reading every scene with Jesus appearing in the sky and talking to the characters in person?

Remember being six years old and asking Jesus why He was waiting to come back? And hearing Him tell you so clearly, “To give people time”? (2 Pet. 3:9)

You’ve been prepared for this your whole life.

You’ll be skeptical at first, but keep asking Jesus what this means. Keep searching the Word and letting all those teachings and worship songs woo your heart into the story.

This is the revolution you were born for. God is raising up a global singing Bride, an entire army of Mary of Bethanys who will usher in His return with bold proclamations and lovesick cries of “Come, Lord Jesus”.

Keep saying yes, step by step. Say yes to prayer chapel. Say yes to fasting. Say yes to the One Thing Internship when Erica asks you to go with her. Say yes to the invitation to the prayer movement when it comes. Say yes to turning your life upside down to move across the country–once, and then twice. Say yes to the radical, ancient calling that makes no sense to anyone else.

You’re 29 now, still radically in love with Jesus, now a ministry leader, worship leader, Bible teacher, mentor… still Mary of Bethany, wasting your life in a prayer room with your gaze set on eternity.

Not everything turned out how you imagined, but trust me, it’s better than you dreamed. His story is always better.

Love, Caitlyn

Arlington, Texas
January 2020

For more of the story of how this transition in my life unfolded, check out My Story.