As I’m preparing for the next major transition in my life (moving to Dallas!!), I find myself looking back over some of the previous turning points in my life. As I think is common for most people, a number of the things I was expecting to happen… didn’t.
I planned to meet my husband at APU… nope.
I planned to begin an acting career after I graduated… complete 180.
I planned to meet my husband at IHOPU… that didn’t happen either [as far as I know].
That’s the thing about making plans… they don’t always turn out as, well, planned.
Enter this golden Doctor Who quote.
The woman, Idris, (my car’s namesake) is currently housing the consciousness of the TARDIS– the Doctor’s space ship/time machine. (Yes, the ship has a consciousness… just go with it.) The Doctor takes this unique face-to-face opportunity to accuse her of being unreliable:
The Doctor: “You didn’t always take me where I wanted to go.” Idris: “No, but I always took you where you needed to go.”
In my experience, God is like that too. He most certainly had not always taken me where I wanted to go. If I had been writing my story, quite a few things would have been different.
But if I had chosen my own path ahead of time, I would have missed out on so much that was meant to be part of my journey.
If I had married someone I met at APU, it probably wouldn’t have been someone connected to the prayer movement and I probably wouldn’t have ended up involved with IHOPKC.
If I had gone into the industry as an actor… who knows where my life would have led. Again, probably not to the prayer movement.
If I had done OTI summer 2013 instead of summer 2012, I would have met completely different people and would still be in IHOPU, if I had even decided to stay.
So many times I had my plans and desires all laid out, and God knew what was better. I knew what I wanted, but He knew what I needed.
Jesus is really good and I trust Him. He has never led me astray, and He never will.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.”
(Proverbs 16:9)
“Nothing’s sad till it’s over. Then everything is.”
~Doctor Who, “Hell Bent”
I’m going to miss this view.
I am finally at the end of my externship in Texas at The Prayer Room DFW. I worship led my last set this morning. We have our staff Christmas party tonight, then packing all day tomorrow before Encounter service, and leaving early on Sunday morning to arrive home in California on Monday night. I’ll spend about five weeks at home over the holidays before returning to Kansas City for my final semester in IHOPU.
As you know if you’ve been following my other recent blogs, I love The Prayer Room. A lot. I feel more bonded to the people and vision at this place than possibly anywhere I’ve ever been. It feels a bit like when I worked at camp for three years… but there, I was still an on-and-off seasonal employee, most of the staff was transitory as well, and even though it was a Christian camp, our days did not necessarily consist of pursuing God together. It feels so weird to be leaving a place where almost all of the community is deeply rooted and we’ve literally made it our job to pray together. Even at IHOPKC, the community isn’t this tight-knit and rooted. I’m the only one leaving right now, and life will continue as usual without me… except not, because God is doing some big things around here. We’re going to be getting into our new building very soon, with lots of exciting changes related to that. And I won’t be here for it.
This is hardly my first time feeling my heart tear as I leave a place. It’s not even my first time blogging about it. The only way I know how to deal with painful goodbyes is to remember that Jesus goes with me, and He alone is my true home.
Yesterday (after watching the aforementioned Doctor Who season finale in which we said drawn-out traumatic goodbyes to beloved characters, which of course only exacerbated my emotional fragility) I was finding a lot of comfort in Psalm 139.
“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.”
(Psalm 139:7-10)
“Even there Your hand shall lead me.” I love that promise. No matter how far I go, God will lead me. He is my Good Shepherd, and He will never leave me or forsake me. He is exactly the same in California as He is in Texas or Missouri.
Two Sundays ago, four days after I moved in, I started driving around town picking up job applications. I literally just drove around and walked into every store that looked interesting. Not necessarily the most strategic way to get the job of your dreams, but it is indeed an effective way to get *a* job, especially if you just need part-time whatever. Bed Bath & Beyond was hiring, so I picked up an application and took it home. I spent the rest of the week filling out apps and returning them, finally making it back to BBB on Friday. I would have had an immediate interview if the manager wasn’t busy, so he called me back on Monday and I interviewed, got hired, and had my first two training shifts on Tuesday and Wednesday. WOW!! That was so crazy fast! God is so good!! Third application submitted, first interview, less than two weeks after moving? WHAT???? That’s called extravagance, ladies and gents. God doesn’t do things for his children by halves.
The staff have been really friendly and supportive, another girl from IHOPU works there, and I found two Whovians and a guy from California. HA. (The Whovians and I agree that Peter Capaldi will grow on us just as Matt did. And we will all cry when Eleven regenerates just like we did for Ten.) I’m working in soft lines, which is the towels and bedding and draperies and such. FABRIC. I get to touch fabric and learn about it and talk about it and help customers pick out the right things and best matching combinations… I have sooo much to learn, but they’re going to train me very thoroughly and I will love it here. (And I’m making over minimum wage for this state, which is nice.)
I have the sneaking suspicion that my life is about to get rather overwhelming and sleep will become even more of a rarity than it already is, but it’s completely okay because I LOVE what my life is right now. I’m getting so much good biblical teaching, I have an amazing small group that already blesses me so much, I have the perfect apartment with one of my best friends, I have an INCOME (hallelujah), and best of all, I get to spend almost every morning in the prayer room talking with Jesus as the sun rises. His mercies are new every morning. 🙂
A few particular prayer requests:
Favour and quick learning in my new job.
A bike so I don’t have to use quite so much gas.
Grace and time to work on my creative projects– piano and writing, etc.
Continued financial provision.
The spirit of wisdom and revelation and I pray and study (Ephesians 1:17).
I was on spring break from camp this week. I spent the entire week at home. Easter was lovely, and it definitely gave me a chance to observe and reflect on how we’re all growing older and so much has changed. We haven’t done a real Easter egg hunt in several years, so Mom just dumped a bunch of candy on the floor and we all sat around politely nibbling on it. No mad grab, no piles, no trading five jelly beans for one Reese’s. We did a little bit of dare-you-to-eat-this-mystery-jelly-belly, though, so I guess full maturity hasn’t hit yet. One or two “significant others” joined us, which makes my heart swell with joy. I love adding to the family circle. especially such wonderful people and perfect fits as they are. Many of us went to different Easter services and even different churches, which was weird but good. We’re each choosing our own spiritual communities and our own places to encounter God.
The rest of the week was relaxing but fun and productive. Highlights:
I kept my Netflixing minimal. (Well, I say “minimal”… I went through all of season one of Dollhouse in two days, then successfully avoided TV the rest of the week.) Those who’ve lived with me will recognise the accomplishment this is.
In my defence, the above marathon occurred during recovery from a devilish cold which almost put me out of commission for a few days at work. And that ain’t easy to do. I went through more tissues this week…
I purged and organised my giant 6’x6′ IKEA bookshelf and cleared out a whopping 13 of its 25 squares. All of my college papers are now completely sorted and labeled. Hallelujah.
I went thrift shopping with my sister and bought three adorable tank tops for a total of about $5 that were all completely unique yet all had nearly the exact same yellow colour scheme. I seem to have definitively discovered my new favourite colour.
I watched the Doctor Who episode “The Eleventh Hour” with my sister while eating fish fingers and custard, as the Doctor and Amelia iconically do in the episode. I cannot even express how gleefully geeky we felt.
Oh yes. This happened.
I also took some more baby steps forward on the IHOPU planning front.
I got in touch with someone in Kansas City from whom I might be renting a basement room. Things are looking very positive– OHMYGOSH I’M RENTING MY OWN PLACE!!
I filled out my IHOPU application, then seem to have recycled it along with mounds of junk from the shelves I cleaned. Ah well. Emailed the admissions office for another form, since it’s inexplicably not online.
I did a projected state of my financial affairs in August. Not too shabby. Not exactly fully self-sustaining, but definitely starting off on the right foot. 🙂 God is providing… I love it when he does that!
Oh, and the Academic Calendar for the Fall 2013 semester is now online.
2013 Fall Semester
August 15–17 | New student orientation August 19 | Fall semester/quarter I begins October 11 | Quarter I ends October 14 | Quarter II begins November 24–December 1 | Thanksgiving break December 13 | Fall semester/quarter II ends December 15–January 19 | Christmas/winter break
Guys, this is starting to feel really real again.
I do have a few prayer requests, since I’m apparently in list mode:
The last trimester at camp to go well– energy for all the staff!
A good summer job to come through.
Housing arrangements in KC to be settled.
The application process to IHOPU to go smoothly.
Thank you for your support and your prayers as God turns my life beautifully upside down. 🙂 Grace and peace!
I haven’t blogged about Song of Songs since October, but I’ve still been reading and meditating on it, of course. And it is high time I continue my journey through it with all of you.
“We will exult and rejoice in you;” (Song of Songs 1:4d)
The speakers here are the “others,” the daughters of Jerusalem, the community of believers. Of course, since the speaker attributions aren’t actually in the original text, different translations interpret who says what slightly differently at times. I think, though, that the content of what is said is in this case more important than who technically says it.
I love this rejoicing in Jesus. HE is our celebration. It’s not even rejoicing in his blessings; it’s just simply celebrating who he is, though of course who he is is expressed and displayed in what he does. But like lovers enjoy one another’s personalities and not only actions, so our purest worship and joy is centred solely on Jesus’ heart.
I will rejoice in you, in your character, in the very essence of your personality. I celebrate who you are–who you have always been, who you will always be.
“Yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.”
(Habakkuk 3:18)
“I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”
(Isaiah 61:10)
“We will extol your love more than wine; rightly do they love you.”
(Song of Songs 1:4e)
Here’s the wine motif again. And I love that word “extol.” To me, this sounds like “I can’t stop talking about your love, more than any other thing or pleasure.”
I extol a lot of stuff. A friend asked me yesterday what Doctor Who was all about, anyway. I talked for ten minutes, and I daresay she understood about half of what I said. I would have gone on longer if I hadn’t ought to get back to work. I love Doctor Who; give me half a chance and my praise of it just bubbles out.
But Jesus is the ultimate one worthy of our extolment. (Yes, that’s a word, I looked it up.) He is so, so worthy. Rightly do we love him. He actually deserves every ounce of adoration I could ever give and infinitely more. Not just because he’s God– many “gods” throughout mythology have proven themselves so unworthy of worship by their character alone. He deserves love because of his deep love. He is good, he is holy, he is so completely humble and sacrificial. This is the God who is worth extolling above everything else.
“We love because he first loved us.”
(1 John 4:19)
As a matter of fact, the New King James Version says, “We will remember your love more than wine.” The word translated either remember or extol is the Hebrew זכר, zakar, means “to mark (so as to be recognized), that is, to remember; by implication to mention” and is variously translated in the NASB as be mindful, boast, celebrate, mention, and remind.(Strong) It’s a public remembering, not only private, telling the story again and again so that everyone can honour the subject together.
And what is the story we tell? Why is it right and fitting for us to love him? What is the ultimate expression of his worth?
“And they sang a new song, saying, ‘Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth.'”
(Revelation 5:9-10)
He is worthy because of the love expressed on the cross. He didn’t stop short of that, but gave everything. That’s what we love him for.
“And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name.”
(Philippians 2:8-9)
This should have been posted yesterday, but I instead spent the afternoon reading Mortal by Ted Dekker and the evening reading The Host by Stephanie Meyer. I do not see any contradiction in this, nor am I ashamed of my use of time yesterday. Except that I neglected to post a blog. Boo me.
So back into the game–here’s another taste of my thoughts on the Song of Songs!
“Draw me after you;”
(Song of Songs 1:4a)
This verse is my absolute favourite of chapter one. I love the yearning in it, the longing for intimacy, partnership, adventure. Draw me after you, Jesus. Seduce me. Woo my heart.
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.”
(Hosea 2:14)
He draws me away into the secret place by revealing his beauty and whispering his love for me until my faze is completely captured and my heart is overwhelmed with love. All the world is so still there; nothing else exists. Everything else fades away and it’s just the two of us, gazing at each other, whispering tenderly to each other’s hearts. When he begins to open my eyes to who he is, who I am, and the glorious destiny he has planned for us together, every fear and doubt fades away and my only desire is to follow him forever.
“Let us run.”
(Song of Songs 1:4b)
Then comes the running. Let us run, Jesus. I want to run with you.
Okay, Whovians, I know you know exactly where I’m going with this. Think of that first moment when the Doctor took Rose’s hand in the dark when she was about to be attacked. She had never seen him before, but in that moment he became her saviour. He said only one word: “Run.” And they ran together through all of time and space. For the Doctor and his companions, it’s always the running–to danger, from danger, always together, always running.
That’s me and Jesus.
What does running with Jesus actually look like on this planet? What sort of adventures are in Jesus’ heart? I think running with him is partnering with the passions of his heart. It’s Isaiah 61, for starters:
“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.”
(Isaiah 61:1-3)
Running with Jesus means running to the battle, whether that’s in intercession, justice, evangelism, whatever. It’s all of these and more, maybe in the nations of the world, maybe in your corner grocery store. It’s bringing hope, freedom, joy, and beauty. It’s proclaiming the favour of the Lord, and also his righteous judgment. It’s seeing what he’s doing in the world around you, and acting with him to bring his Kingdom. There is a massively glorious partnership here. We do all of this with his hand in ours, having been drawn away in intimacy so that our heart beats in unison with his. We know his voice and we move when he moves.
And then the most glorious phrase of all–
“The king has brought me into his chambers.”
(Song of Songs 1:4c)
The King of Kings, my King, has drawn me into the place of deepest intimacy. This is the place of encounter. This is the Holy of Holies.
I don’t even know how to write about this. A deep, warm silence falls on me every time I think of it.
The King has brought me into his chambers.
I’ll leave you with that, then. Go meditate. Ask the King to draw you away into the most secret places of his heart.
And then you’ve got an awful lot of running to do.
…or, “In Which God Comes Through and Idris Comes Home.”
Here’s what happened. After my new carabruptly died about two weeks ago, it went to our mechanic to be checked out. My mom called the guy who sold me the car to ask his advice. He told us to take it over to his mechanic and that he would help pay for repairs. (Wow.) So we took it to his mechanic… and discovered that it had one of two problems. One would cost a couple hundred to fix, the other would cost close to a thousand. Not good. When my dad relayed this info to me on the phone…I don’t like to use the word “panicked,” but the phrase “deeply concerned” feels apt. I had no idea how I would pay for my baby to get fixed, even if the dealer helped out.
I remember saying to my dad that a certain quote from (you guessed it) Doctor Who felt very relevant.
The Doctor: “Amy. You need to start trusting me; it’s never been more important… You’re going to have to walk like you can see.”
Doctor Who series 5 episode 5 “Flesh And Stone”
Up until now, my path to Kansas City had been pretty well laid out. I’d done the math. I didn’t send out support letters; one year of working at camp was more than enough to fund tuition and a car. I had everything budgeted down to the last dollar, then this happened.
And I suddenly had to walk like I could see.
I knew I was gonna get there. No question whatsoever. I just didn’t know how.
It’s like watching a TV episode where you know everyone’s going to be okay and they’ll get out of the mess somehow, but you keep watching to see how it’s going to happen.
So, after a few tense days, we learned that it was the more expensive problem– I had blown a head gasket. Apparently, that is very much Not A Good Thing.
That’s where God stepped in.
The dealer was more than true to his word and not only paid for THE ENTIRE REPAIR, but he also drove my car around town for a few days just to make sure it wasn’t going to fail on me again. I picked it up from his lot on Tuesday evening, and it has been driving like a dream ever since. 🙂
I am absolutely blown away by how good God has been to me in this whole process. It’s like over and over he keeps stepping in and announcing to the world, “Look, I said she’s going to IHOP–she’s going! Don’t you dare try to put anything in my daughter’s way, because I’ll just knock it aside!”
You already know I am deeply in love with Doctor Who. Well, Doctor Who is in its off season right now and won’t be back until November. *tear* To tide myself over, I’ve been watching Torchwood, an earth-bound spinoff about combating alien threats on Earth. Series 4 is called Miracle Day, in which the human race simply stops dying. No matter how ravaged a body is, death refuses to come. With a swelling population and hospitals exploding past capacity, the governments of Earth adopt a new health care system in the form of overflow camps, where those who should have died and are now a burden to society are held. The Torchwood team is working frantically to discover the cause behind Miracle Day and to shut down the camps. While undercover in a camp, agent Gwen Cooper uncovers the horrible truth of its existence, and is trying desperately to save her father from the fate that awaits him.
Gwen: Sorry, listen. You have to change this. They move the Category 1’s at six a.m. They take them to the module.
Doctor: Sorry. Not my department.
Gwen: Really? Is that so? Well, do you even know what your department is, Dr. Patel? Do you know what happens in the module?
Doctor: Like I said, I’m rather busy.
Gwen: They burn people. They burn living people. The Category 1’s, they’re still alive, but they’re being burnt. This place is built on institutional murder.
Doctor: I’m not the one who makes the rules.
Gwen: You knew about this?!
Doctor: Category 1’s are dead. That’s the law. Under the emergency rulings, for the sake of public health, dead bodies can be incinerated en masse.
Gwen: Well, I’m glad you’ve got the law on your side. But are you actually there in the module? Are you actually there throwing the switch? Well, are you? No. No, you’re here, nice and safe, hidden behind your paperwork. You haven’t got the nerve to actually watch them burn. Because then you’d have to face the truth–that this isn’t a hospital, it’s a concentration camp.
Doctor: Excuse me.
Gwen: They built a concentration camp here, in Britain, today, and you, you, you! You are one of the staff!
Doctor: The entire health care system is about to collapse. What am I supposed to do?
Gwen: You say no. You say no. That’s what you do. For the love of God you say no.
Soon after, Gwen records a message to the world and takes dramatic action against the incineration modules.
“This is the truth, for the whole world to see. We let our governments build concentration camps. They built ovens for people in our names. Now I don’t care if the whole of society bends over and takes this like a dog. I’m saying no.”
Torchwood frequently makes me think and grabs my heart, but this episode was different somehow. I wasn’t just weeping for fictional characters this time. The system, the rationalisations, the categories of life were so eerily reminiscent of issues in our world today. One issue, mostly. Ask yourself this: Where in our world have we legally redefined what life is? Where have we murdered those unable to defend themselves? Our society has so much blood on our hands, and as one character observes in Miracle Day, you can scrub your hands raw, but you can’t get rid of the blood.
Gwen compared the “overflow” camps to Hitler’s concentration camps. So many people looked the other way during the 1930s and 1940s while Hitler gassed, starved, shot, and buried alive millions of Jews. Some closed their ears to the stories, others hid behind public policies, others kept their disagreement secret in order to save their own lives. And so Hitler was untouchable year after year. What would have happened if the world had stood up and said NO, just a bit earlier? How many lives could have been saved?
Of course, hindsight is 20/20. We can be so self-righteous from the safety of our history classes. But there is another Holocaust happening right underneath our noses. It isn’t making the daily headlines, but the numbers keep ticking by.
Since Roe vs. Wade in 1973, an estimated 53,310,843 unborn babies have died in the American Holocaust of abortion — and that’s just up through 2010.
Watch this documentary. It paints a powerful picture comparing the Nazi Holocaust to the abortion crisis in America today.
Someone needs to stand up and say no, before history looks back on us as the generation that did nothing.
“You say no. You say no. That’s what you do. For the love of God you say no… Now I don’t care if the whole of society bends over and takes this like a dog.
